Things have changed

[HPOfficeJet]

After having the Mother in Law living with us for the last 6 1/2 years of her life she passed peacefully recently.  Since then there is nothing I say or do that meets with my wife’s approval and she has turned negative and does not want to talk.  Reading the book “Walking on Eggshells” and am now putting the pieces together that my wife has been BPD all along.  She had been masking it with alcohol which she gave up recently for health reasons.   Am I alone in an experience like this?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[paperinkart]

You’re never alone!

All of our stories are different in many ways but a lot of the underlying struggles of BPD remain the same.

Grief is already an impossible emotion to deal with for anyone,  but when you add on the already intense, high-level emotions of someone with BPD, it can be extremely hard for them, but also for the people who love them.

My partner recently lost his grandfather who was like a parent to him. It’s been extremely emotional and his BPD definitely “flares up”.

It is fantastic that your wife is cutting out alcohol! That is a great first step. We’re all here to talk if you need it!

[Boll Weevil]

My wife of 30 years is a "High functioning BPD". Stop Walking on Eggshells is the classic BPD book. Another book I found helpful is Stop Caretaking the Borderline/Narcicist by Dr. Margalis Fjeldstad. If you live with a borderline you will find that you are in a for a lot of caretaking. These books explain with amazing understanding BPD and it's impact on their loved ones. I go from being very angry, to disappointed, to sad, to sympathetic to my BPD wife. Sometimes these emotions can happen one behind the other.

I am glad your wife stopped the alcohol. That must have been terrible.

Welcome to BPDfamily. I check new posts nearly every night. I am in therapy to learn coping skills. I also attend a support group for loved ones of mentally ill people at a very large church in the city near me. My wife does not know that I attend.

I think most professionals recommend that you do not tell her you think she has BPD. I am told it is not helpful.

Please continue to learn from the resources on this site.

My wife became very verbally abusive over the last 10 years. It kind of snuck up on me like the proverbial frog boiling to death. About 2 years ago I began researching spousal abuse and since there is no drugs or alcohol in the picture BPD and NPD seemed to apply. Then after a lot more study I ruled out NPD and was left with BPD. I then devoured hundreds of hours of Youtube videos. I can hear the experts explain BPD, but I am just now starting to grasp it.

I have to decide now whether to stay or leave.

Peace be with you. It is a hard road. Please tell your close friends your struggles.

Check in here often.