still struggling w/ anger

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi, All

As you know, I dated a woman who has BPD at work. Relationship was only 3 months followed by almost a year of harassment, stalking and vandalism.

I finally got let go because I couldn't deal w/ it anymore. Management totally ignored what she was doing. They minimized everything. She admitted to putting stuff on my car...and they did nothing.

In the end I lose my job, she still works there, and now she lives right down the street from me.

Who wouldn't be VERY angry about this? How can she NOT see what a repulsive human being she is?
Help me.

[jinglebells1989]

Hi, All

As you know, I dated a woman who has BPD at work. Relationship was only 3 months followed by almost a year of harassment, stalking and vandalism.

I finally got let go because I couldn't deal w/ it anymore. Management totally ignored what she was doing. They minimized everything. She admitted to putting stuff on my car...and they did nothing.

In the end I lose my job, she still works there, and now she lives right down the street from me.

Who wouldn't be VERY angry about this? How can she NOT see what a repulsive human being she is?
Help me.

[daze507]

You've learnt your lesson.

1. Do not date a woman that shows any kind of red flags  (BPD or other, it doesn't matter).
2. Do not commit emotionally and physically with a woman before you're not sure 100% she's not batsh*t crazy (can take aeveral months, not less than 5) and most of all, do not cohabitate.
3. Do never, never, never date a woman from your work, never.
4. Be aware that women can get away with pretty much everything, especially in the USA. You did the same than she did, you were writing this post fron jail now.
 
Anger will serve no purpose at this point, it's done. Get back on tracks with this additional knowledge and try to live the best life you can.

[jinglebells1989]

You've learnt your lesson.

1. Do not date a woman that shows any kind of red flags  (BPD or other, it doesn't matter).
2. Do not commit emotionally and physically with a woman before you're not sure 100% she's not batsh*t crazy (can take aeveral months, not less than 5) and most of all, do not cohabitate.
3. Do never, never, never date a woman from your work, never.
4. Be aware that women can get away with pretty much everything, especially in the USA. You did the same than she did, you were writing this post fron jail now.
 
Anger will serve no purpose at this point, it's done. Get back on tracks with this additional knowledge and try to live the best life you can.

This is BS. She should be held accountable. This company didn't want a lawsuit, which is why I got let go. And she's still in my neighborhood. This is total BS.

do you think she at LEAST knows what she did? Like on a fundamental level, does she know this? How can a human being act like this?

[daze507]

So sue her and see what happens, hating won't change anything.
Of course she knows, they are BPD, not totally retarded. I read so many similar stories it's not even surprising.

[jinglebells1989]

So sue her and see what happens, hating won't change anything.
Of course she knows, they are BPD, not totally retarded. I read so many similar stories it's not even surprising.

I guess I did everything I could do. I outed her to upper management and everyone else. A-lot of people at that company, other than the guys trying to bang her, think she's totally weird and kooky. At least I spread the word before I left. She even admitted to two directors and a VP that she hits herself in the face, because I told them she did.

I guess that's winning. I just can't believe how far she took this. It's like she wouldn't stop until I got fired. What a deranged freak. It's because I dumped her and not the other way around. She can do whatever she wants to me but it doesn't change the fact that I dumped her and never went back, begged back, etc. Her stupid, sad ego couldn't handle that.

[daze507]

Indeed so what's the point of ruminating that story now? You did what you could, just stop. Could have been worse, you could had children with her, she could have taken them away from you (like it is almost always the case, crazy or not), there are plenty of horror stories out there. Men who became homeless because of child support/alimony, lost everything, committed suicide, ex wife who did not give a single damn.
Understand that as long as you do SHE will still be in control over you and SHE will still ruin your life. As soon as you let that story to where it belongs, your past, she will be too.

[jinglebells1989]

Indeed so what's the point of ruminating that story now? You did what you could, just stop. Could have been worse, you could had children with her, she could have taken them away from you (like it is almost always the case, crazy or not), there are plenty of horror stories out there. Men who became homeless because of child support/alimony, lost everything, committed suicide, ex wife who did not give a single damn.
Understand that as long as you do SHE will still be in control over you and SHE will still ruin your life. As soon as you let that story to where it belongs, your past, she will be too.

Dude...…..because it was traumatizing. That's like me saying to anyone on this forum "why still post about it?" I mean come on man. You act like i should just be all happy and fine about it. It takes time to get through this. Is that not the point of posting on these forums?

[daze507]

I understand, I've been through some nasty sh*t too, that's why I can only tell you what you should try to do to get through it too.
Don't get me wrong, I know it's not easy but the sooner you manage it the better.
I don't believe in the "yeah man she really was a mean girl to you, I send you virtual hugs" or stuff like that approach, that did not work for me. Sometimes in life, we get screwed up, it's all experience and we have to treasure that and move on because at the end of the day, we have no other choice.

[once removed]

i hear you jinglebells.

i struggled with anger for a long time. what my ex did to me was some extra  . and likewise, what your ex did to you was some extra  . and it all really sucks to lose your job over. it compounds the loss, it compounds what feels like a battle. and i have to imagine losing your job over it really feels, on top of it all, like you werent being heard.

the challenge before you, in terms of detaching, is to let go of that anger and move forward. obviously, you cant snap your fingers and have that happen.

what i would personally recommend is to put things in writing, and to find a creative outlet.

nothing helped me more. i did two things: i wrote poetry about the relationship. it was clever, cutting stuff. i felt like i was saying the things i couldnt say to her. it also revealed my own detaching process to me...there were bits of insight i didnt realize i had. the other was to just go raw, to say the ugliest, nastiest things i could say, and get it all out (in writing). i would never say those things to others, id never share them, i might even feel badly about them if i read them today, but id be lying to you if i said that i wasnt, on some level, getting my truth out, and it helped me to turn a corner.

if writing isnt your thing, then literally, buy a punching bag, and spend thirty minutes a day with it. part of Detaching is acknowledging our feelings, the vulnerable, raw stuff, the anger, the hatred, the sadness, the pain, but also venting it, processing it. find that thing that helps you to do so, and gives you a spring in your step.

[juju2]

Jingle

Read your post.

I don't know if you documented anything.

In the state I live in, atty general office of the state has wrongful termination office.
Usually it is for discrimination issues.
At any rate, a phone call may help you.
It is totally up to you.

This is only a suggestion.  I do not have experience as far as having someone do such things to me as a co worker.

[jinglebells1989]

Jingle

Read your post.

I don't know if you documented anything.

In the state I live in, atty general office of the state has wrongful termination office.
Usually it is for discrimination issues.
At any rate, a phone call may help you.
It is totally up to you.

This is only a suggestion.  I do not have experience as far as having someone do such things to me as a co worker.

This is a very good idea, thank you. I had reached out to several law firms and they said because I signed a contract for my severance saying I wouldn't sue, they couldn't help. Who specifically should I ask for at the attorney generals office? Is there a dept., title of a person to ask for?

[juju2]

Hi

So since this isn't a typical case, I would talk to whom ever answers the phone.
You will want to have a short explanation that communicates.

For me, in sharing what has happened in my life w my s.o., I have had to just formulate a succinct explanation that works for my heart.  Find a short one-two sentences.  Write it down and say it, and see if that communicates and does no harm.



There is no healing in sharing with people who are not vested or who are not in my caring circle...as a matter of fact I don't discuss it w those whom I have found are cold.

So I have found a sentence or two, after writing about it, thinking about it. 

That sentence or two helps me in that I do not further injure.

Long answer.

You will find the right person at the a.g. and it may be there is nothing that can be done.

The other thing is, would need to get clear in my heart, am I seeking vengeance.  What is my intention.
If my intention is hurtful, I find that I end up in these hurtful loops that harm me further and make me crazy.
The last thing I want is side issues w hurtful people...

Be careful with my heart.  Out of my heart comes the issues of life.