Am looking for a place to get support. My eldest daughter has BPD, diagnosed by her counsellor. She is 21, has self-harmed and been suicidal for 10 years. We tried to get help through various places, like Marinoto and through school counsellors. She has been in full time therapy for the past 2 years.
She also suffers from anxiety and depression.
About 3 years ago her boyfriend of 4 years died from an overdose, and she blames herself for this. About two weeks after he died I had asked her not to run the dryer at 11pm outside my bedroom and she had screamed at me saying I had been turning it off and sabotaging her drying her bedding.
This was after a day of abusiveness towards her brother and sister, which I had turned a blind eye to.
I ended up saying if she didn't respect me or like my rules she should find a job and go flatting. And she took this to mean for her to get out immediately.
She spent several months at my father's house, coming home when we were at work. And has since told everyone I threw her out two weeks after her boyfriend died.
Every time I do something that upsets her she goes back and revisits this, even though I had told her it was not my intention for her to leave, but to be more respectful.
She always manages to convince me I am the bad guy.
I am at my wits end, am constantly called a piece of S, a psychopath, a terrible and abusive mother.
She throws things at me, and has hit me. I have tried to be as non-judgemental and supportive as I can. But she pushes me until I either yell or cry. We will have accusations of not caring about her for everything from disagreeing about some topical issue, to not saving her any roast potatoes because we thought she had already had her dinner. I find it impossible to parent her, or talk to her about her treatment of her siblings.
During CV-19 she has smashed a hole in her door, because I asked her to stop having a go at her sister over not doing the dishes straight away. She threw a plant at my husband. And threatened to hit him. He grabbed her jacket to get her out of the house, as we're both sick of her behaviour and aggressive outbursts. And she accused him of grabbing her neck. When we both said that wasn't true she accused us of gaslighting her.
She has gone to my father's for a few days, but is returning this evening "to spend time" with the family dog, after having not talked or responded to me for four days, and says she is going to live with her father for a while when he gets back from being away on his boat.
I have no idea what to do about her. No idea how to make her feel loved, without being her punching bag.
