I’m losing my mind...

[Answerseeker333]

 
My (I don’t even know what to call him) literally broke up with me saying that was talking to someone else, then next day talked to me and we got back together and he said I was a blessing in his life and the love of his life, then today broke up with me again saying that he loves me but cannot be with me. He says he doesn’t see a future with me when he breaks up, and when we get back together he says me and one of his ex girlfriends were the only 2 women he could ever see himself with for the rest of his life. Then when we break up he says it’s because he hurts me too much and we are always going back and forth, and he needs to work on himself (which he doesn’t do, only talks to one therapist that doesn’t seem to help). I am so lost, when we are together I can feel that he loves me, and when we broke up for longer he even wrote me a letter, sent to my both mail and email, ... I don’t know I’m just so confused I don’t know if there’s something I can do to prevent him from “switching” personalities or how should I react when he comes and start talking about how our relationship isn’t stable, and then escalated to him being cold and telling me he doesn’t want to be with me, that he can’t see a future with me, etc. I just don’t know what to do. It’s really hard to believe that he doesn’t love me when we are together.. we always say how it’s like our souls are connected and I do feel that way... but then his thoughts escalate and I don’t know what to do

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[juju2]

Hi

Welcome.

So sorry you are going thru this hard time.

From what I try to learn here, we have to be stable, us non disordered.
Everything I have experienced, is that when he feels close to me, he needs or must do, something to push me away.

We have to be dependable, stable.  Us nons.

Kind of like the dog that gets kicked.
That same dog has a wagging tail. 

Not a nice analogy, I don't know how else to communicate how it is.

When that hateful side, that pushes away.
It feels like a kick.  I am always emotionally unsupported when I am with him.
It is like being in a relationship with the wind.

And.  The other side of it is, totally opposite, he gets me, he is everything.

So this one person has both of these things happening.  The opposite of dependability.

I have to be dependable to be in a relationship with him.

I need a support network, a fulfilling life, an outlet.
I can not share my despair, my sadness, questions, with him.  Most of all, and hardest, is I cannot react. That is the hardest thing.

Am so glad I found this support community.

There are people here who have experience, strength, and hope.