Weed Use and BP Traits?

[VeggieLover]

Hello everyone! I am new at this and very slowly starting to piece together some strategies for communicating better with my husband, as I am learning to work with his BP traits. He is a huge weed lover though and boy, when he gets high things fall apart in a hurry. He repeats himself over and over again, doesn't really make much sense, for sure can't follow a conversation and typically doesn't remember it the next day. He had quit smoking for a month or so earlier this year, and things went so much better as far as us talking? But, he got the flu (not COVD-19) in February, got stressed because of being sick and picked up the pipe again. I knew he had smoked as a kid, but he was not actively using it for the first 8 years I knew him. I have plenty of friends who use weed and it doesn't seem to affect them like it does my husband? He feels that what he buys now is no different than what he bought in the 70's, and that it makes him more intuitive/intellectual? This is definitely not what I'm seeing. I tried approaching him about it once last year, to see if he would consider at least cutting back a little? This was before I knew about his BP tendencies, so I was respectful but maybe could have put it to him in a better way. He just blew up though. Stormed off to the basement and was stomping around down there yelling that "I can't f---ing control him", etc. I was terrified! Anyway, I feel like his continued smoking and the state of mind it leaves him in, are really complicating any progress we might make in our relationship. Has anyone else had any success in working things out with their BP when they spend a lot of their time getting high? If so, how did you manage it? Thank you so much!

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Blast000]

I have had this issue in the past.

At first, I just kind of ignored it, then I became confrontational, the I started making ultimatums about it (which briefly worked).

Ideally, he is seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist because most likely they will not find it acceptable. DBT programs often require sobriety.

[VeggieLover]

Blast000, sadly he stopped going to therapy earlier this year, and seems to have no interest in going back. I'm sure a part of that was the therapist suggesting that there might be any sort of issue in the way he processes information versus everything being my issue? He is convinced that he can somehow figure out why he acts the way he does on his own, without any outside help from anyone, which is super discouraging. I would imagine too, that he realizes that getting any sort of therapy would require him to stay sober and he's definitely not willing to give weed/alcohol up. I'm not pushing any of the really 'controversial stuff' in our relationship with him right now, as we just got another month on our 'Stay at Home' order here. Not a good time to rock the boat! Doing a LOT of thinking though