Need help/ advice

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi

Have been reading the boards for a while and need someone to help me ...

So i met amazing woman beggining of the year.
Quite early she said she is diagnosed bpd and has been in therapy for a while.
Things went from there quite quickly and amazingly we fell in love.
It is a long distance relationship and with covid situation us meeting up became tricky.

She is under very close care of therapists and was doing (as far as i knew) great.

Untill recently...
She asked to take few steps back as she is not coping with the preassure of relationship...

We agreed on few days of being totaly apart.

Now my world is coming to a standstill.
I am petrified she will decide that those days alone were better for her and will want to leave...

I am giving her al the space and support i can but i dont want to loose her...

What do i do now?
How do i go back to talking again?
And what do i say if she decide to break things off?

Any views or advice much appritiated...

[Dreamingagain]

Hi

Have been reading the boards for a while and need someone to help me ...

So i met amazing woman beggining of the year.
Quite early she said she is diagnosed bpd and has been in therapy for a while.
Things went from there quite quickly and amazingly we fell in love.
It is a long distance relationship and with covid situation us meeting up became tricky.

She is under very close care of therapists and was doing (as far as i knew) great.

Untill recently...
She asked to take few steps back as she is not coping with the preassure of relationship...

We agreed on few days of being totaly apart.

Now my world is coming to a standstill.
I am petrified she will decide that those days alone were better for her and will want to leave...

I am giving her al the space and support i can but i dont want to loose her...

What do i do now?
How do i go back to talking again?
And what do i say if she decide to break things off?

Any views or advice much appritiated...

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Dreamingagain]

Update...

She did respond but its distant and very cold...

Should i push for answers or leave it be?

I love her deeply and dont want to loose what we had

Is it too late?

Gut feeling tells me that there is someone new involved.

Please help
I want to save this relationship and love we had

[Dreamingagain]

Still in a limbo neither here nor there

Struggling inside as dont know if i should push her or leave her all the space...
Its eating me inside

Miss her with all my heart and soul

[HappyChappy]

Hi Dreamingagain,

A BPD fears abandonment, but also can be uncomfortable with intimacy. Which does explain your situation some what. Best way to view that is they like attention. So they can completely blank you at times if they find attention elsewhere, but then come around latter when they need "narcisstic supply". Meaning, it's too early to worry if something is up and she may want contact (it's attention). But a BPD will also use the cold shoulder to control (because they see abandonment as the ultimate penalty) but I'm guessing you'd know if you upset her that much. I guess based on what little you've said , it seems a little too early to worry too much. I hope that helps.

[Dreamingagain]

Hi

Thank you for your words.

There was no fight nor disagreement.

She asked for space and not to be tied up in the labels of relationship.
When she reaches back its distant but after we talk it goes back to being loving and caring.

It might be me reading too much into it but she means the world to me.

Is it just her way of dealing with being close?

[HappyChappy]

It could be. Time will tell.  So long as you let her know you're still interested and how she can get hold of you, what more is there to do ?

[Dreamingagain]

She is going thru a big change in the living circumstances right now (moving house) and i feel like she is pushing me away from her world.
The changes are really hard for her and I'm trying to give her space but it is also really hard on me.
I miss her terribly and the way we used to be very close. Now it feels like she pulled away..

Don't know if i should just stay away and let her come to me when she wants (even tho it is hard for me) or push her to define "our" future.

Any help would be appreciated

[HappyChappy]

Moving house is one of the top stresses in life. We're not at our best when stressed. Also with a BPD's abandonment fears, moving house will be even more stressful. You know your girlfriend better than anyone on here, we can't really advice on that. I wish you the best.

[Dreamingagain]

Thank you

I know she is stressed and im trying my best to be supportive and give her the encouragements.
She is an incredible person but very very distant at the moment...
I guess what im trying to say is that i miss her and im worried we are growing more and more apart...