How do I find out when my ex gets a job if he is not telling me?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I got a text from my ex this morning.
 "I have been furloughed and after 30 days will be exited from ---. I'm looking for other employment but the insurance and monthly payments will end until I find something else". no paper or company notice included.

He means insurance for children and monthly payments for child support. He has been sending me a check for Child Support because he insisted not going through the government at the time of divorce. I was supposed to get a check today but he already stopped it. He made over $100,000 per year but has not been paying any extracurriculars, kids' counselings, or expensive medical expenses. I will be minus every month without his support but I will get by with my savings for a short time, I hope. I did email him a simple message that I am sorry to hear about the situation, hope things work out well, and keep me posted. for now.

My concerns are
1. Is there any way to find out when he gets a new job and not telling me? ..which can be very likely.
2. If he doesn't file for a motion to change the child support, and just not giving me any child support for months, is it still not a contempt of court order if he doesn't have a job?

Thank you so much in advance.
I hope everyone is well and safe.

[Godslove]

I got a text from my ex this morning.
 "I have been furloughed and after 30 days will be exited from ---. I'm looking for other employment but the insurance and monthly payments will end until I find something else". no paper or company notice included.

He means insurance for children and monthly payments for child support. He has been sending me a check for Child Support because he insisted not going through the government at the time of divorce. I was supposed to get a check today but he already stopped it. He made over $100,000 per year but has not been paying any extracurriculars, kids' counselings, or expensive medical expenses. I will be minus every month without his support but I will get by with my savings for a short time, I hope. I did email him a simple message that I am sorry to hear about the situation, hope things work out well, and keep me posted. for now.

My concerns are
1. Is there any way to find out when he gets a new job and not telling me? ..which can be very likely.
2. If he doesn't file for a motion to change the child support, and just not giving me any child support for months, is it still not a contempt of court order if he doesn't have a job?

Thank you so much in advance.
I hope everyone is well and safe.

[GaGrl]

If he doesn't file for a Change in Circumstances to alter his child support payments, he is still liable.I

Has he filed for unemployment? Is his employer continuing basic payroll? Is he in danger of losing health insurance?

These are the kinds of questions to be asking him.
If he is high conflict, ask through your lawyer.

[ForeverDad]

If the court order requires him to pay for their health insurance, then he must.  If he did lose his job then all he has to do is continue their health insurance through the COBRA laws.  I believe his current insurance carrier is obligated to do that for up to 18 months.  The downside - for him - is that he will be billed for 102% of the cost of coverage, no more portions paid by ex-employer.

If he doesn't choose that path willingly, then the lawyer and court will have to enforce it.  It's your task to keep your lawyer updated and on top of this.  Without your monitoring, a lot of this could slip through the cracks and be even harder to fix later.

Even if he is out of work the court can still impute an income amount that he is capable of generating.  Just because he is out of work does not mean he can stop paying, surely he has money in accounts somewhere.  It's not like he has zero dollars to his name.  However, with so many losing their jobs due to the virus shutdown, it's hard to predict how the courts will handle these added cases.

[GaGrl]

Bottom line, he doesn't just get to say, "Oops, on furlough, not even going to try to meet obligations!"

 he needs to be answering some questions.

[livednlearned]

He has been sending me a check for Child Support because he insisted not going through the government at the time of divorce.

My ex did the same. His employment was iffy at one point and I was concerned about the same thing you are.

In my state, child support is one of the more efficiently run parts of government and according to my lawyer, I would've just signed into the portal to go to through the steps to describe our circumstances. I believe anytime he went on a payroll it would've flagged him and portions of his paycheck would automatically come out.

I could be fuzzy on the details because it never came to pass, but it might be worth looking into for your state to see if there is something similar.

[Godslove]

Thank you very much for all the advice. He is indeed a high conflict and a bully. He did exactly that just notify me very easily on an informal text when he got up.  I just remembered he is renting out the old house so that is another income source of about $2000. plus he and his new wife, one of our children---got stimulus checks of $2900, but cut the CS off this month right away. very upsetting..that he still thinks this is the monthly payment for me not for his children while he spends large. He knows I still make money, I am a saver and don't like to conflict.

I am going to give him a little bit of time and start asking questions. I am pretty sure that he won't be cooperative. Then I will have to involve a lawyer which will be costly. I looked into child support enforcement and you are right. It was a very simple paper to fill out. I filled it out but hold it to use it as a last resort if things escalate to the court at that time of visitation conflicts after divorce. never used it. My lawyer advised me though once I do that, it will be a war and he will make my life more miserable than now. So at that time, I agreed for him to give kids rides to activities which he couldn't keep up after 5 times.

Today I got a reply from another lawyer--Unless child support enforcement agency is involved (which it appears it is not), unfortunately, the only way to find out if he is unwilling to share is to file a motion to modify child support (which could be a double edge sword).

[GaGrl]

Child Support Enforcement may be your best option with a high-conflict ex. However, he may be so payment overseas to "cut off his nose to spite his face."

 Example...my stepdaughter used her state's Child Support Enforcement Agency to ensure she received payments from her ex. The payments were minimal, because he was unemployed at the time of the divorce. When he realized that employment and payroll records would trigger a reduction from his paychecks, he would resign. Yes he unemployed than pay $43 per week in child support.

You may want to go on record with him now, even if it means paying a lawyer to craft the letter and send by certified mail, that the child support payments and insurance coverage, are expected to continue. Retail your knowledge of his current rental income of necessary.

I sure wish you weren't going through this.

[ForeverDad]

Likely you "receiving" less than the full amount owed will not be held against you, but beware of "accepting" less.  For example, ex paying some is better than none but don't complicate future court enforcement by providing any documents or receipts that indicate otherwise.  In other words, any docs that might give him ammunition to fight what the court has ordered.  I recall every time I would wait in the court's lobby for my case or in the sheriff's office for exchange the information board was filled with mugshots of losers behind in their child support or alimony.  I believed they were purposely posted there to remind us how serious failing to pay was.

Of course he won't be cooperative.  Of course the conflict might heighten.  Balance that against your need to have enforceable boundaries.  Extinction Bursts are what we call the overreactions we face.  Yes, they're extra conflict, especially at first, but they're the ex's response to our boundaries and those responses are intended to make us retreat back into prior failed patterns, their comfort zone of living life how they wish.

One approach we can take is to decide how the short term resistance measures against the long term aspect.  If what we need has far reaching impact then better to face the short term conflict.  If it's a relatively minor issue, not meaning much in the grand scheme of things, then you may decide to focus your energy on what matters more.

That said, court is especially good on enforcing child support and alimony... and often not so good on dealing with intangibles and concepts.

[Godslove]

Thank you very much for everyone's advise.
He today sent me a text asking D12's social security number for unemployment. For taxes, he claimed S11 and I claim D12. Is it legit for him to use hers that he doesn't claim for his taxes? Would it affect any of my taxes? I tried to search the answer but no luck in my knowledge.

[Godslove]

I wrote an email to him. Would you please check to see if I have anything that he can come back and bite me? I doubt that he will answer all these questions or answer them honestly but at least it will be a record later at a court. Thank you!

I have some questions about this situation. These questions are just fact-checking questions. I understand your situation and I do feel bad but it will be difficult for us without any child support.

1. Will you continue kids' insurance through COBRA?
2. When is your furlough date? Is there any possibility your will get reinstated?
3. You don't use D12 as your dependant in taxes like I don't use D11 for my dependant. Do you need her SSN for unemployment? Would it affect my tax return?
4. You said Pasadena house is paid for. Do you have your rental income?

[Panda39]

My Partner had some issues with this during his divorce from his uBPDxw 10 years ago...so my info may be out of date.

Have you already filed your taxes with your daughter as a dependent?  I'm not positive but I don't think the IRS will accept her as a dependent on his taxes once you have already claimed her on yours. I think if you claim her first he will have to prove to the IRS (divorce decree/pre divorce agreement) that she is his to claim.

You might want to talk to the IRS or your attorney.

It is possible he might also want her ss# for insurance purposes too.

Panda39

[GaGrl]

My understanding is the same as Panda's. Whomever files first is on record with the dependent. So if the other parent tried to file claiming the same dependent, the IRS has an internal check that rejects the dependent and sends a letter requesting proof.

[ForeverDad]

I guess you could contact unemployment agency, though overwhelmed by all the new claims, or search for the application forms.  It's possible that it requires children to be reported, if not living with him then for whom he's paying child support?

I was let go by my last employer of 15+ years a few years ago and the severance was doled out biweekly as though I was still getting paid.  I was unable to make unemployment claims until the severance payments ended.