Hello DireWolf, welcome.
More than likely you spent some on this website before you finally signed on and picked your nom-de-plume. Once again, I welcome you.
I do remember going through an episode with our daughter when I feared she would take her life. This was happening during a phone call with her in another location...me at my home alone with the phone at my ear, her new born child in my arms. Thank God I had the child. Thank God the unthinkable didn't happen but never will I forget the fear I felt. In that respect, I relate to some of what you are living through...but certainly not all. To have this happening for so long must be so draining...so heart-breaking...such a feeling of helplessness.
I am wondering...has your daughter received the diagnosis of having BPD? Has she had counselling? Have you ever gone into counselling yourself to find ways to better deal with her and her problems?
None of our stories are exactly like others here but more often than not there are similarities. During more normal times there would have more replies to your post. Of course, these are not "normal" times. I urge you to continue on with sharing your story and I urge you to reach out to others who, like you, are in the need of a life-line.
A ((HUG) to you, DireWolf.
Huat