Roommate with BPD

[BrainFood]

Hi,

First time poster, so bear with me. I'm living with someone with BPD ("A") and things have been going downhill since December.

We are not romantically involved, just roommates, and also friends. We live in a dwelling for seven people, and we're all college students attending the same university, and we all started out as good friends. In November, person A started honing in on another one of my roommates (who also has BPD), person B,  and no matter what B did, A would take issue with it somehow. Me and none of my other roommates shared any of these small and specific grievances against B, so we never really backed A up, and would defend B if they had done little wrong. A took this as an attack against them. Some of the things A was upset about were things like not cleaning, not getting up early enough, or saying we didn't like their favorite show. We tried having a roommate meeting, but this ended up in A saying we were attacking them, and that they didn't want to talk about it anymore, so they went up to their room and were hardly seen for a week or two. This was taking a toll on person B, so they left to live with their parents for a while. Things kind of calmed down after this.

Since quarantine, things are feeling like they did back in November. Person B is coming back to live with us this month, and person A has been not leaving their room, not talking to us, not responding to messages, and one day just left for a few days without telling us where they were going. It's gotten very tense. Us (everyone else) talking about anything we enjoy is met with hostility, us not wanting to watch the movie A wants to watch is met with hostility, us moving the thermostat is met with hostility. A has now been honing in on another one of my roommates, roommate C. C stands up for himself every time roommate A says something hurtful or does something he doesn't appreciate, and now A is convinced everyone in the house hates them.

We have all been trying to be civil and treating them like we would any other time, but according to A, none of us have been putting in effort to fix things between us all. I've been reaching out a lot to A to try and talk to them, and tell them that us not doing everything they want us to isn't us trying to hurt them, but just us having differing lifestyles. These conversations usually end with A saying that they're not going to put effort into being nice when "none of us care about them." I'm talking to A right now and they're talking about how we do things that hurt them, and I don't know if it would be a good idea to bring up how maybe, they've also done stuff that has hurt us?

I have thick skin so I'm not that bothered by their hostility, but everyone else in the house is fearful to come out of their rooms because of how bad it's gotten. I know that they're hurting, and want to try and help, but it seems like every time I try it's met with hostility, anger and an unwillingness to compromise. Basically I have no idea where to go from here.

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