I honestly don't know anymore

[Depression = 72% of members]

I don't know where to begin. Our fights are more and more frequent. Both of us are saddened by the repetitive pattern of fights, which seem to occur almost because we fear they will. It all contributes to a sense of hopelessness on her part, and anger, she concludes "why bother trying, I'll just be an asshole, because I get the same results either way", which to me is not true. but there's no point in arguing that. or well i try at times, but i'm exhausted too. i feel like we just escalate one another's anxiety. the fights are always her "reacting" to something i did. and maybe sometimes the the thing i did is a result of some discontent of mine, at times i don't know. she says to me i can't let go and move on from things. i don't know what's real or true anymore and i'm tired and hurt and sad and i think we're both starting to forget the good between us. it lasts for no longer than a few days lately (especially now with all of us being locked up in our homes with nowhere to go!) before something, nothing at all, comes between us. i try so hard not to react, but it chokes me up. and then she launches off into dark mode and says all kinds of horrible things about how she doesn't care anymore, and talks condescendingly to me. im starting to just feel like too much damage has been done. there's so much more i could say. i just don't even know what or how right now. and i don't want to leave, it breaks my heart, but im starting to wonder, and i know she is too.

[krm101]

I don't know where to begin. Our fights are more and more frequent. Both of us are saddened by the repetitive pattern of fights, which seem to occur almost because we fear they will. It all contributes to a sense of hopelessness on her part, and anger, she concludes "why bother trying, I'll just be an asshole, because I get the same results either way", which to me is not true. but there's no point in arguing that. or well i try at times, but i'm exhausted too. i feel like we just escalate one another's anxiety. the fights are always her "reacting" to something i did. and maybe sometimes the the thing i did is a result of some discontent of mine, at times i don't know. she says to me i can't let go and move on from things. i don't know what's real or true anymore and i'm tired and hurt and sad and i think we're both starting to forget the good between us. it lasts for no longer than a few days lately (especially now with all of us being locked up in our homes with nowhere to go!) before something, nothing at all, comes between us. i try so hard not to react, but it chokes me up. and then she launches off into dark mode and says all kinds of horrible things about how she doesn't care anymore, and talks condescendingly to me. im starting to just feel like too much damage has been done. there's so much more i could say. i just don't even know what or how right now. and i don't want to leave, it breaks my heart, but im starting to wonder, and i know she is too.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[Panda39]

Hi krm101

Welcome, I'm glad you found us and decided to post. I'm sorry to hear that there is so much conflict in your home at the moment.

Has your partner been diagnosed with BPD or is it a case of the shoe fits?  How long have you been together?  Were things different before Covid-19?

I hear you on Cofid-19 and feeling trapped by all the restrictions, it is really difficult to feel there is no escape...no relief.  Are you able to at least get out and take a walk?  Get some fresh air...clear your head a little bit?

It sounds like you two are just going around and around in circular arguments that go nowhere.  I'd like to share a couple of links, 1 on JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) and 1 on Circular Arguments I hope you find them helpful.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=139972.0
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118892.0

Hang in there,
Panda39