What does your gut tell you? Do you feel safe?
When I first saw the note, it immediately struck me as personal and my immediate thought was it was a friend I frequently go for a run with at this particular park. The reason for this was the big smiley face at the end of the note. Like they were trying to get my attention or possibly being passive aggressive. But after checking with all my friends, none of them admitted to playing a funny joke on me and one then suggested "ever think it was possibly your ex? She knows how often you go there". That's when I got a chill and thought of the unknown # calls and the fake instagram accounts trying to follow me out of the blue.
As far as feeling safe. At this moment I do still feel safe. She is quite a capable manipulator but I have not heard of her doing anything "crazy" like damaging property or worse. She had made a joke once or twice when things were going good saying things like "I wouldn't suggest ever leaving me..." I just shrugged it off as her trying to be cute.
When I heard she had moved on with someone else, I was almost partly relieved cause I figured I was safe from any games or retribution which so many on here have encountered to some degree. But because so many with BPD use rebounds as a way to cope, it doesn't necessarily mean they're over the relationship and I guess they could still be capable of some weird behavior.
She also doesn't drive but she frequently hangs out with her sister on weekends and I honestly feel her sister is more unstable than she is so including her in some game wouldn't be far fetched.
Have you ever shown a level of emotional pride or joy for your car? It is something that could spark an irrational form of jealousy. Or is it a modest choice, means of transport.
Women have cut up guys entire clothes in their wardrobes. Damaged their cars, attacked their new partners.
Then there are women like my mother who are oblivious to the world and would park right next to a car in an empty lot for no real apparent reason and leave a note thinking it is just the right thing to do.
It is not paranoia you have here, it is just you have picked up on these things and have some suspicions.
Some practical choices depending on how much you care about this. a pair of front and rear dashcams that record whilst you are away is a cheap option. Id continue to live my life as normal, stuff can happen, that is what insurance companies are for. Id hold on to the note for awhile in case any other odd ones appear and a pattern emerges. Id see that as something for law enforcement and make it their issue to deal with giving enough build up of evidence that their is some sort of harassment going on.
Ive had a few odd things happen to me when I went no contact, my ex stalked me during the relationship and has followed up on stalking previous relationships she had, but this behaviour is trigger related, fizzles out as she enters new relationships and they become the primary focus.
When I read that you are not sure it is her but at the same time I read that you suspect she is capable of behaving this way. I took that onboard as important - it proved to me that even to feel this way regardless of concrete proof, it showed that I was right to leave, I did not trust her to the level I wanted to have had and that I believed she was sad enough to do these things (something I dont feel attracted to).
It just made it easier to detach in the end.
That is a great suggestion as far as keeping a journal on the weird things going on. I still have the note and I definitely will hold onto it for now in case things escalate.
As far as the vehicle I was using that day, it's just a modest vehicle to get me where I need to go. I do have another vehicle that I care about quite a bit more that I rarely drive. I probably will be leaving that one at home for a while.
When I got into this relationship, I was pretty ignorant to how serious BPD was. I chose to believe that if I loved her unconditionally (which she noted during our breakup that I was the only one who has loved her this way) and provided tons of support, I could "save" her. After seeing so many stories of others who have dated someone with BPD and how closely they resembled mine and the countless experts/therapists who say you cannot have a successful relationship with an untreated person with BPD, I knew I had to leave for good. I told her I would only be willing to stay if she started going to therapy and told her I'd go with her if she wished. She declined both. She attempted reconciliation several days later and I declined saying unless she was willing to make meaningful changes, I needed to move on. That's when I went no contact and have been no contact for close to 30 days now.
I will consider the cameras if things escalate. That is a very good idea. I'm praying my gut is wrong though.
I will update if anything new happens. Fingers crossed nothing happens.
