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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: How to reconcile "protective dishonesty" part 4  (Read 1049 times)
UBPDHelp
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 794



« Reply #30 on: May 20, 2020, 08:12:24 AM »

UBPDHelp,

you are loved and you are lovable.   you are enough just the way you are.   

try and slow down and live only in today for a while.    have you ever seen the just for today meditation used in many 12 step groups?     let me see if I can find it:

my self talk is often negative.   my thinking is often dark.   I have a vicious inner critic.    I work in a business where the job is basically think of the worst possible thing that could happen and make a plan to fix or respond to that.    I have to work to include positive thinking in my day.    I have to exercise those muscles deliberately.   

I use all sorts of tricks and reminders.    Post it notes up on the bedroom mirror.    favorite or inspiring quotes on the refrigerator.    this will sound silly but one of the biggest things I did was hang a flag in my condo's hallway.   the flag was from the human rights commission.   the yellow equal sign on the blue background.    every time I walked by it, I touched it and said to myself I am equal to anyone, and I deserve good things.      I did that for months after my relationship ended.

self care.    self care.   self care.    do something good for yourself today.    just for yourself.


This is amazing. You are amazing. I am so proud to “know” you.

Thank goodness for you.

Sadly, it also just highlights how disruptive my H and my relationship is to all our lives.

Regardless, I will work on today. Thank you.
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Cat Familiar
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7483



« Reply #31 on: May 22, 2020, 09:43:36 AM »

Staff only This thread has reached its maximum length and is now locked. The conversation continues here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=344645.0
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
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