How do I learn to self-soothe and calm myself down?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I'm having a hard time coping right now. Being unemployed and stuck at home during this pandemic has given me a lot of time to think and ruminate. I found a free therapist who said that PTSD has been brought up for many people because they have so much time to think and because they feel trapped at home, just like they did as children, even if they're in a different home now. I didn't realize that I felt trapped. I like my home that I have now, where I live with my partner. It makes sense though. My partner is very practical and has done a lot for me but he is not very emotionally available. He is especially having a hard time right now because of his own stress with the pandemic. I have felt very alone and overwhelmed with my thoughts and all the memories of the trauma caused by my bpd mother and passive father. My anxiety is very high.

I have difficulty calming myself down and am very dependent on others to calm me down. I also have general anxiety disorder, which I take medication for, but it's not a cure. I am unable to afford therapy right now and the free therapist does not have a lot of availability. I feel very lonely and I don't know how to calm myself down. I've been talking to my bpd mother a lot, partially because I'm so lonely and partially because I'm afraid of her getting mad if I don't answer her calls. I don't tell her about my PTSD though or any anxiety in general.

When something bad happens or my PTSD is triggered I panic and sometimes cry. I feel so alone and I don't know how to calm myself down. I've reached out to a friend but there's only so much she can take. Does anyone have any suggestions or a similar experience?

[wmm]

I'm having a hard time coping right now. Being unemployed and stuck at home during this pandemic has given me a lot of time to think and ruminate. I found a free therapist who said that PTSD has been brought up for many people because they have so much time to think and because they feel trapped at home, just like they did as children, even if they're in a different home now. I didn't realize that I felt trapped. I like my home that I have now, where I live with my partner. It makes sense though. My partner is very practical and has done a lot for me but he is not very emotionally available. He is especially having a hard time right now because of his own stress with the pandemic. I have felt very alone and overwhelmed with my thoughts and all the memories of the trauma caused by my bpd mother and passive father. My anxiety is very high.

I have difficulty calming myself down and am very dependent on others to calm me down. I also have general anxiety disorder, which I take medication for, but it's not a cure. I am unable to afford therapy right now and the free therapist does not have a lot of availability. I feel very lonely and I don't know how to calm myself down. I've been talking to my bpd mother a lot, partially because I'm so lonely and partially because I'm afraid of her getting mad if I don't answer her calls. I don't tell her about my PTSD though or any anxiety in general.

When something bad happens or my PTSD is triggered I panic and sometimes cry. I feel so alone and I don't know how to calm myself down. I've reached out to a friend but there's only so much she can take. Does anyone have any suggestions or a similar experience?

[HappyChappy]

Hi Wmm, lock down certainly does not help anxiety, here are some common ways to releave anxiety. Everyone has their own preference so I'll list a few:

1) Being close to nature, in our country we're allowed out for walks etc...

2) Exercises, it gets rid of nervous energy.

3) Mindfulness is good, so anything that arrests your attention away from negative thoughts, so a hobby or colouring in books are good.

4) Any of the creative arts, for example I've started singing (badly).

5) Hugging yourself.

6) Breathing exercises, deep breaths.

7) Stretching exercises or Yoga or meditation.

Failing all that there is medication for anxiety. With some of the above, you may need to do it a few times before you get into the swing of things. I hope that helps.

[GaGrl]

I have an ongoing low level of anxiety. It took therapy for me to identify it and even longer to find what worked for self-soothing.

For me, yoga works best -- the combination of stretching and breathing is meditative and physically helpful.

I read fiction -- losing myself in someone else's story moves me out of my own story.

Gardening -- getting my hands into the dirt, really working with plants that want to grow, nurturing them.

What do you find soothes you? Can you be purposefully it?

[JNChell]

Hi, wmm. Some of the best advice that I received from this community is sitting down, and allowing the feelings to wash over me. To feel them, and let them go. It’s not necessarily a comfortable experience, but there is relief at the end. You’ve gotten great advice here. Just remember to let the feelings go. Don’t stuff them. 

[wmm]

Thank you everyone for your advice.
One thing that I find really helps me is talking to someone about an issue and getting their feedback. I'm better at hearing things from others than telling myself what I need to hear. I've been talking a lot to a childhood friend that I am friends with again after about 10 years of being apart. I'm afraid that if I talk too much about my problems she won't want to be friends with me anymore.
I think this happened to me before. I had a very close friend and I was going through a hard time with my partner, plus I had been recently sexually assaulted. She ended up not returning my calls or messages after a while when I asked her if she would want to hang out. It hurt a lot when I realized that we were no longer friends. I felt like I had gone through a breakup. The way she handled it was definitely not right but I also blame myself because I think she was sick of listening to my problems. I have a therapist now but he doesn't have a lot of availability right now and I can't afford another one.

I find it so helpful to get help from others. I talk to my partner but he has trouble helping me because he has trouble talking about deep emotions and difficult emotional problems. I cry a lot when I'm upset and this overwhelms him. I wonder if I find talking to someone else so helpful because I always wanted approval and help from my mother but I couldn't always get it.

I've felt especially alone during this pandemic because I have not been able to see my friends and I'm unemployed so I spend a lot of my time alone at home while my partner is at work. He is also very introverted so he likes spending more time by himself than I do and would rather keep his problems to himself.
I'm trying different things such as meditation, CBT and therapeutic exercises such as going on hikes and dancing. It just doesn't feel as soothing as talking to others. I wish I wasn't so dependent on others to make myself feel better.

[IvyB]

Journaling really helps me, even if its quickly jotting something down and then taking the time to understand what I was feeling and why. If I can identify the thing that triggered it, usually makes me feel better faster.
A lot of free time during quarantine is causing anxiety and for me to drudge up painful memories, my usual sources of stress relief and entertainment are unavailable, making it harder to escape difficult feelings.

[gotbushels]

wmm   

I wish I wasn't so dependent on others to make myself feel better.

When we feel depressed (the feeling, not the condition) or sad, it's okay to need human support. It's okay to wish for it too. Just because it cheers you up to be in the company of people you like and trust—that doesn't necessarily make you dependent on people btw.

I have a therapist now but he doesn't have a lot of availability right now and I can't afford another one.

I appreciate what you mean here. It can be difficult to get the support of a busy T.

I wonder if I find talking to someone else so helpful because I always wanted approval and help from my mother but I couldn't always get it.

I know a bit of what you mean. When you have an FOO with serious issues, you may find as the next generation that you're dependent on approval. Young people grow a lot with healthy validation and support. When they don't get it, it can make them needy and vulnerable, often because they're used to not getting it. I share hope with you that things can get better and you can look after yourself and manage any vulnerabilities here you might think you have.