Relieved , Guilty , and Anxious that she has left us.

[Sime]

Hello, I am new to this in terms of accepting what the problem has been all along, as well as understanding anything about BPD. I have been married to a BPD for 4 years and in the relationship for a total of 7.  I have full custody of my 13-year-old daughter from a previous relationship that also went bad very quickly.  Luckily my daughter and I were able to gain safety from that relationship. 6 years later however I met a woman who was recently divorced and seeking a relationship.  I had never in my life been pursued with such determination I remember quite vividly our first date she said to me that someday we will be married, I kinda laughed it off.  Unfortunately I ignored all of the red flags and had never even heard of BPD and engaged in the relationship and we’re eventually married. The entire relationship has been a rollercoaster ride.  I have never in my life seen someone be so angry and hours later act like nothing ever happened. I have never felt so belittled and made fun of in public. The countless meltdowns out of the blue rages and physical attacks have left me but a shell. I work in a very competitive and creative field and my performance has suffered greatly.    I have over the last few years really lost my self, distanced from family, and found myself to be quite isolated with her. My daughter and her started off ok, My daughter really needed a female influence in her life or at least that is how I justified it.  Within two years their relationship became strained and eventually became abusive.  When it became physical my daughter and I separated ourselves from her, she has since gone to jail and is now living with her mother.  We are devout Catholic so divorce is very touchy.  My wife wishes to reconcile but she has caused so much damage that I think before I would even consider it she would need to seek serious treatment beyond what she is doing now one day per week.  Since she has left I have felt relief, guilt, anxiety, and depression.  I love the kind sensitive and loving wife that comes out for brief moments not the one that terrorizes and makes me feel like nothing.  My family has rallied around me but she is isolated and not speaking to any friends or family about her issues and what has transpired. she says that this is a private matter. I think she is ashamed of her behavior and embarrassed.  She takes no ownership over her behavior which leads me to believe she is denial.  I am very concerned for her, but I can't be with her right now. I feel logically that I am doing the right thing, I just don't want her to feel abandoned, rejected, unloved, or any other negative feelings.  All the advise I have received so far is to move on with my life, somehow it just doesn't feel right...

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.