She has access to my phone/emails etc whenever she wants. There's no issue there and she does flick through it now and again.
She does has low self esteem but like you say, I believe I am doing everything possible to help with that. I cannot do anymore.
That is probably what causes her insecurities and I understand this but I've gone over and over the same argument for years and years now and it's wearing me thin. I just don't know what else I can do to help her manage it.
With the dating agency thing. I feel betrayed and disgusted and heartbroken. I don't know how I can bring it up though?
I've since found out that she is looking at flights to go see a man too. But that too I don't know how to confront her as she doesn't like me looking at her phone and I saw it in her internet history.
Heartbroken again. I can't afford to move out or go anywhere. I am physically and financially stuck here
Especially since she has access to your phone and emails, you really are doing everything you possibly can to reassure her that she can trust you. Have you ever asked her what else she needs you to do? Otherwise, I'm at a loss for words there - at some point, the ball is in her court. That has to be emotionally exhausting for you.
I'm sure you realize the major double standard in play here whereby she has access to your phone, yet you don't have access to hers. And for her to be so insecure about you possibly cheating, yet be cheating (or planning to cheat) on you at that exact moment, is obviously hypocritical.
On the other hand, it sounds like you can't leave at this time. Is it possible that you'd at least have the option of moving out at some point in the next few months? Or are you stuck there for the long term?
I ask that just in an effort to try to help you come up with a solution where you can respectfully confront her about it without risking being homeless.
