New. Going through an intense lawsuit.

[sarahA]

First time on this site. I guess the deal is recently learned my mom has BPD. Among other thing probly. Going through an intense lawsuite. Never saw this coming. She has displayed violent traits in the past (usually directed towards my dad, but it's the deceptivness that gets me. I had no idea how much she has been faking things. Now I can not trust her. And she has some of my siblings beliving she is such the victim that they don't even belive what I saw in person.

[Panda39]

Hi Sarah,

Welcome to the group  :hi

You are not alone we are all here because we have someone with BPD or BPD traits in our lives.

How are you feeling about learning your mom has BPD?  What is the lawsuit about did your mom file a lawsuit against you?  Have the same siblings that are convinced she's a victim now always believed that or is that something new?  What kinds of behaviors have led to you not trusting her?

Sorry for all the questions just trying to get a picture of your situation.  I hope you don't mind sharing more of your story.

Panda39

[sarahA]

At first I did not beleive it. And I didn't want to believe she was purposfully doing stuff. Then I found Randi Kregers family guide for BPD (the sequel to Stop Walking on Eggshells) suddenly it all made sense.

I filed one against her to protect my family and siblings financially.

About a year ago she had an affair (or a few) emptied a family bank account, stole a vehicle and is now coming after the family property to get more money for herself. These are things I personally invested my life savings into. And she's not broke, has 100k in inheritance and is capable of getting a job.

The 2 siblings I mentioned saw her as pretty normal then when she did this stuff they belived all her explanations and denials.

Fortunatly my other 2 siblings and Dad see what I see and we are staying close.

Thank you for your response. It's kind of nice to talk about it to someone.

[Panda39]

My guess it that it is very painful to have to file a lawsuit against a family member, particularly so because the siblings have split into each camp. I also understand that it is important to set boundaries with someone with BPD.  My Partner's undiagnosed BPD ex-wife (uBPDxw) also has major issues when it comes to money and things.

It sounds like your parents are still married is that correct?  Are they both listed on the mortgage/deed of the property?  Are you part owner? If she is part owner is it possible to buy out her portion of the property? 

I'm curious about how your mom treated each child as you were growing up.  Why do you think there is a split in how you all perceive your mom?  What do things look like from your perspective?  How was everyone's relationship with your dad?

It's kind of nice to talk about it to someone.

Glad to be of help, that's what this website is all about, we all help and support each other as well as be a listening ear when we just need to vent.

Take Care,
Panda39

[Turkish]

You might want to post another thread to the Legal board
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=10.0

Members there are seasoned veterans of BPD and navigating the judicial system. Even is those experiences center around divorce and custody, you might get sound advice and certainly additional support 

Turkish

[sarahA]

Panda39,

Yes they are still married.

Some of the property is in Dad's name and some of it is in both of theirs, and some of it was paid for by me and my siblings, meanwhile there is also family business involved. So it's not a simple divorce case to be sure.

Yes, good question. It is possible to buy her out of her share but she did not accept our offer, at least not yet.

Our growing up was very stable, most of the BPD symptoms (we called them fits) happened behind closed doors. I am pretty sure alot of the mother daughter bond was missing - realizing how we were never that close - I don't know..still processing that part.

I think the split happened because we didn't catch it early, didn't know about BPD. By the time we learned about it us kids we're grown up.

Psychology was always a topic you stay away from, but now I think this is preparing me to help someone somehow in the future - if only because I know this kind of thing can happen.

The two who believed all her explanations and denials did not have a good relationship with dad. Go figure

Dad is a strong authority figure compared to 'normal' standards. I have alot of respect of respect for him. So do the other two siblings. We operate as a team.

[sarahA]

Panda39,

Clarification. By "I think the split happened because..." I am referring to the split in siblings, not between mom and dad.