My boyfriend cheated on me then dumped me for someone else.

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Hi all, this is my first time on this forum. So my boyfriend and I had been in a LDR for over 2 years. It was intense and a loving relationship at first where I felt understood and loved. He was diagnosed with bpd 10 years ago and suffered from the occasional emotional outburst and splitting but things would resolve as I knew where he was coming from. I had been patient and very loving. I would visit him for 15 days every year. We were planning to get married soon even though his parents didn't approve of me.

However ever since the year has started he started getting stress about the finances the wedding might entail. I told him I was happy with very a small simple wedding and we didn't have to spend but his parents insisted they have a standard wedding. With the pandemic going he started growing worse...it was like a demon had taken over him. He would turn emotionally abusive during fights, body- shame me, attack every insecurity I had. He would also nitpick me that I wasn't as perfect as he expected me to be. I should put more make up etc. Often in fights he would also throw that he is cheating only to retract and say he wanted to push me away. He also confided that he is not feeling well and his bpd is getting worse. He agreed to see a therapist but attacked me when I started to arrange one saying he didn't need one and he will handle it by himself. He usually takes drugs such as psychedelics etc that would help him immensely however he was unable to get any due to the pandemic. I could feel him wither away..almost acting abnormally..conversations would scare me. He has deep rooted body image issues and hates himself. No matter what I say how much I love him or say he is perfect he still hated himself. He would send pictures of himself for seeking validation. However I didn't mind giving him reassurances again and again. He also started exhibiting suicidal ideation. We had fights regarding this as I kept my foot down that he sees a therapist. He refused..meanwhile he started growing colder and meaner towards me. Only to turn into his loving self after 12hours..showering me the love and crying that he ruins things every time. I kept forgiving him and loving him anyways.

The last straw when an explosive argument happened where he said I was too nice..and people could take advantage of me. He revealed he cheated on me and was seeing another girl behind my back for three months. He blamed me for the demise of our relationship, citing I had abandoned him by staying abroad..even though I have been desperately try to come back and it has been  delayed by the pandemic. My father has cancer due which I had been unable to return last year as planned. He held everything against me. He said he needed physical contact and intimacy which I couldnt give. This girl is much better than me and keeps him saner. I couldn't believe as he always said to me that he might lose his temper and say things he doesn't but he wouldn't cheat on me.

He said he "loved" both of us..cried a lot saying he broke me but he loves me etc. He revealed he is taking heroin, opiates, and amphetamines to control his bpd. I was shocked, that he had been lying all this while. I was still willing to give him another chance provided he stop planning out his suicide and focus on getting better. We decided on taking a break. Days passed he would keep me updated about himself via texts and also said he applied for a job position abroad so we can move eventually. But I started to feel something was off after he suggested I date other people, saying I can do better than him. I confided to him a few days later that I miss him a lot and he flipped saying I should move on and that we are over. He said he was the girl now and wants to try his luck with her. And that I had my chance and blew it...my presence was only online and he needed my touch etc..which this girl is now providing and she is much better than me. He even suggested that I might have cheated behind his back, which I hadn't..I was faithful throughout. He blocked me  saying the most he can do is...that I give him a call when I am in his town so he knows I exist...however by the time I make it back he wont be alive.

I reminded him that he gave his word that he won't do anything rash..to which he was like I lied about loving you so I guess I lied about not dying as well.

I have been a mess ever since. I am incredibly heartbroken and worry for him. It is as if the person I loved never existed. How can one just flip the switch and go from planning a future to...just discarding everything we had because "it was virtual". Did I go wrong somewhere? Was I making him worse? He blames me for everything wrong in his life now.

[smolbean666]

Hi all, this is my first time on this forum. So my boyfriend and I had been in a LDR for over 2 years. It was intense and a loving relationship at first where I felt understood and loved. He was diagnosed with bpd 10 years ago and suffered from the occasional emotional outburst and splitting but things would resolve as I knew where he was coming from. I had been patient and very loving. I would visit him for 15 days every year. We were planning to get married soon even though his parents didn't approve of me.

However ever since the year has started he started getting stress about the finances the wedding might entail. I told him I was happy with very a small simple wedding and we didn't have to spend but his parents insisted they have a standard wedding. With the pandemic going he started growing worse...it was like a demon had taken over him. He would turn emotionally abusive during fights, body- shame me, attack every insecurity I had. He would also nitpick me that I wasn't as perfect as he expected me to be. I should put more make up etc. Often in fights he would also throw that he is cheating only to retract and say he wanted to push me away. He also confided that he is not feeling well and his bpd is getting worse. He agreed to see a therapist but attacked me when I started to arrange one saying he didn't need one and he will handle it by himself. He usually takes drugs such as psychedelics etc that would help him immensely however he was unable to get any due to the pandemic. I could feel him wither away..almost acting abnormally..conversations would scare me. He has deep rooted body image issues and hates himself. No matter what I say how much I love him or say he is perfect he still hated himself. He would send pictures of himself for seeking validation. However I didn't mind giving him reassurances again and again. He also started exhibiting suicidal ideation. We had fights regarding this as I kept my foot down that he sees a therapist. He refused..meanwhile he started growing colder and meaner towards me. Only to turn into his loving self after 12hours..showering me the love and crying that he ruins things every time. I kept forgiving him and loving him anyways.

The last straw when an explosive argument happened where he said I was too nice..and people could take advantage of me. He revealed he cheated on me and was seeing another girl behind my back for three months. He blamed me for the demise of our relationship, citing I had abandoned him by staying abroad..even though I have been desperately try to come back and it has been  delayed by the pandemic. My father has cancer due which I had been unable to return last year as planned. He held everything against me. He said he needed physical contact and intimacy which I couldnt give. This girl is much better than me and keeps him saner. I couldn't believe as he always said to me that he might lose his temper and say things he doesn't but he wouldn't cheat on me.

He said he "loved" both of us..cried a lot saying he broke me but he loves me etc. He revealed he is taking heroin, opiates, and amphetamines to control his bpd. I was shocked, that he had been lying all this while. I was still willing to give him another chance provided he stop planning out his suicide and focus on getting better. We decided on taking a break. Days passed he would keep me updated about himself via texts and also said he applied for a job position abroad so we can move eventually. But I started to feel something was off after he suggested I date other people, saying I can do better than him. I confided to him a few days later that I miss him a lot and he flipped saying I should move on and that we are over. He said he was the girl now and wants to try his luck with her. And that I had my chance and blew it...my presence was only online and he needed my touch etc..which this girl is now providing and she is much better than me. He even suggested that I might have cheated behind his back, which I hadn't..I was faithful throughout. He blocked me  saying the most he can do is...that I give him a call when I am in his town so he knows I exist...however by the time I make it back he wont be alive.

I reminded him that he gave his word that he won't do anything rash..to which he was like I lied about loving you so I guess I lied about not dying as well.

I have been a mess ever since. I am incredibly heartbroken and worry for him. It is as if the person I loved never existed. How can one just flip the switch and go from planning a future to...just discarding everything we had because "it was virtual". Did I go wrong somewhere? Was I making him worse? He blames me for everything wrong in his life now.

[JNChell]

I’m so sorry for your pain. One thing that I can tell you is that you were given a gift. This may sound weird, but most of the members here only suspect BPD. You know that he’s diagnosed. That doesn’t devalue him or make him a sub-human or anything crazy like that. What it does do is give you important information. BPD is a very severe condition. I feel very badly for people that suffer from it. At the same time, they are capable of causing a lot of suffering for the people around them.

The condition is also on a spectrum. It has been shown to ramp up with age, so odds are, you didn’t see the worst of it. Infidelity is a common thing with personality issues. I know that it sucks and that it hurts. I’m sorry for that. I truly am. Screen to screen.

You’re gonna be alright. Look, he doesn’t know who he is. That doesn’t dismiss the abuses that he perpetuated onto you. He’s clinically diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Learn about the disorder. Everything that you need to know about it is here.

Don’t take what he did personally. It is in no way a reflection of you. Personality Disorders/Issues are very serious things. My heart goes out to the afflicted, but we can’t do anything for them unless they want to do something for themselves.

Unless I’m mistaken, do you like heavy metal? There’s a music thread going here. Stump the experts. Please share what you like or what is inspiring to you.