So I don't really know where to start...I'd been with my ex for almost 2 years. Very rocky relationship, but I always said when we were good we were amazing. There was so much to our relationship, I could be here for hours writing but I'll just highlight some key points..
He was not diagnosed. I used to say to him 'I swear you have bipolar or something' because sometimes his mood would change instantly, always anger/moodiness. I never noticed it at the start of the relationship, but as we got closer it became more apparent. He was always quite paranoid I'd say, accusing me of cheating or talking to other men. When we were out in public he'd accuse me of trying to get other males attention. Sometimes he'd just go quiet and moody with me then explain to me later, or other times he would literally explode in public. He'd always say I don't like being disrespected. I was NEVER interested in anyone else and if ever I'd defend myself he would rely believe me. But once out of the episode he would always say he knows he's crazy or he doesn't know what gets into him.
He was quite overprotective. Wanting to know if I was talking to other guys, If i din't answer my phone he'd be moody etc..I understood to an extent as he had previous girlfriends that cheated on him, witnessed his own mother cheat on his stepdad and has been quite promiscuous in the past so he has a bad view on women. Sometimes he was the most loving guy, I was his world (which I know is quite common) and other times I was 'fake' and a 'slut'. He also had quite a troubled childhood, from what he says it seems his mother didn't care too much, his parents split up, his brother was killed, his mother used to 'beat' him if he was bad, he was in trouble with the police, etc.. But deep down I know he's a nice guy, as naive as that sounds. I saw him in every light possible and I feel for him because his minds wild.
Anyway, so on my birthday a little over 2 weeks ago..he broke it off with me. For weeks we'd been pretty good, were in lockdown so hadn't seen him in 2 months but we called/facetimed/messaged every single day. He said he couldn't wait to see me as I recently moved 3 months ago so now we're 2 hours apart, (but my job is where he lives). So on my birthday he sent the loveliest message, telling me how i was the "light to his dark moods" and he was so happy as long as i was "part of his life" and that he loved me. A few hours later, I tried to call him..he answered multiple times but said nothing. So i got a little mad and questioned why he was ignoring me. We had a slight disagreement and he blocked me on Whatsapp. He then text me and said it's over. Now this has happened multiple times, even over worse arguments so I left him for the evening (he used to tell me to leave him alone when he was like that and he would calm down). So the next morning i hear nothing, i text him and no reply. I call him to find out I've been blocked. I managed to get through and he just kept saying we're over.
I was heartbroken. SO out of the blue. In the past i've just tried to message/call him and practically beg to sort it out..so i did but he was stubborn. I kept leaving it a day or two and then reach out and each time he would get angrier at me. He said the reason is because i'm a 'slut' and i'm not who he wants. Yet prior to this he'd been saying how lucky he is to have me, he's grateful i stand by him when he has his moods, he didn't want to lose me, etc.. At first he did say he missed me but as times gone on he's got more and more insulting (about my looks, the relationship, my family) and even said he's already slept with someone. It broke my heart. He can't seem to see how good i was to him. How much i adored him. How much we fought through the bad times. I know sometimes he treated me badly but i so desperately wanted him to get help. How has he gone from so loving to like another person? I don't know who he is anymore. He said he "despises" me.
My heart is broken. The longest he'd had me blocked for was around 2 weeks (it was a much bigger argument than this) and we sorted it out. He said he never wants to see me/talk to me again. He also said he's deleted every trace of me; photos, messages and my number. But he messaged me over text yesterday to say I need to move on? So that was a lie. I don't know what to believe.
I'm heartbroken. It was so out of the blue. I care for him. It's not like he's completely oblivious to what he's doing because in the past he has apologised. But i know deep down this time he won't come back...I can't stop thinking of him or why he hates me so much...
I know i should not miss him but i desperately do, please help
