tips on clothing on self injury

[Dimpy]

When the bpd adolescent asks summer clothing choices as skin scars show, what would be the appropriate parent's response to deal with this potentially volatile issue? 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[milomisty]

I acknowledge the situation and her self harm then help her decide what would be good to wear.

[kells76]

Hi Dimpy (and milomisty), welcome to the site! Glad you could find us.

Is the BPD teen your child? How is your relationship, generally?

Is your concern "how will my child deal with others' responses about self harm scars?" And/or, is your concern "how will I deal with others' responses to my child?"

As a stepmom to a teen and preteen with a uBPD mom, I've had to learn some "radical acceptance" because they can spout some nonsense that comes from her, and also, partly just due to their ages, they're starting to make clothing/makeup choices that will get them some attention. More wacky/quirky than inappropriate, but, still.

How do you think it'd go if you asked your child "What do you think it'd be like for you if your scars show? How do you think you'd do with people's responses? What'd it be like for you if your scars are covered up?"

Questions like that aren't telling your child what to do; rather, they're helping your child take some responsibility for their own choices.

Would love to hear more about how things are going and your concerns.

Cheers from over on Family Law;

kells76

[GoblinMom]

 I think the important thing is to be non-judgmental.  Ask her what she wants to do.  Maybe she'll want to hide them at school and not at home.  You can discuss what answers she can give if anybody comments on her scars.  Let her know you support and understand her.

I think that knowing the physiology behind the symptoms (cutting) can really help people. 

Cutting is considered an addiction.  Borderlines have low dopamine (which is anti-stress, anti anxiety) so they do things that increase dopamine, like cutting, gambling, spending, etc.  When you cut, besides producing dopamine, you also produce natural OPIOIDS in the brain.  Opioids are narcotics, that's why when people cut they don't feel much pain..  So if every time you cut you produce opioids, then cutting can become an addiction.

Besides numbing physical pain, opioids can also numb emotional pain so you can expect cutting to increase during times of stress, social defeat, etc. So be prepared.  Talk to her about things she can do when she feels the need to cut, like doing something that distracts her, listen to meditation tapes or soothing music, or exercise which increases dopamine and that's what she needs.  Tell her she can also talk to you when she feels the need to cut and you can help her think about something else, go for a walk, etc.

The brain learns by repetition but you can do something to stop that  repetition, especially when it's two of you working together.