How do I put distance between me and my mum when I'm feeling irritable?

[TeaWithMilk]

Hi everyone! It's been a few weeks since I last posted as things have been generally okay.

I've been feeling very easily irritable the past few days, but today I've hit a new high. Every time interact with my mum I feel myself getting closer and closer to the point of explosion. It's like I've woken with the lowest possible patience threshold, and I really want to avoid causing a problem with her. I know I'm entitled to my own feelings and I want to process this irritability instead of just repressing it and shoving it backwards, but whenever I'm around my mum I feel that the only way I can be if I'm to avoid conflict is to be a patient, joyful, helpful daughter.

If I wasn't living at home, it would be quite simple- put down the phone and take time to myself without interacting with her. But I'm stuck at home with her and she is quite overbearing- always has to be around, always talking, always poking at controversial topics.
If I go to my room, she will drop by, if I seek my space, she will find a way to intrude.

Is there any way I could ask her for space without her exploding? I don't know. I'm wondering if anybody has had to deal with something like this/if anybody has any useful strategies for communicating with a uBPD person about their needs without them exploding or taking offence?

Thank you all!

[zachira]

My heart goes out to you living with a mother with BPD. You are asking about how to put distance between you and your mom when you are feeling irritable knowing that she will pursue you and make things worse if you just leave. My mother with BPD died last summer and I have two siblings with BPD. My therapist gave me a great suggestion about not getting triggered when in the presence of a person who mistreats me. She told me to observe my feelings, look inward instead of getting enmeshed in the feelings of the person who is trying to get me to feel their ugly feelings for them. I find this works, though it takes practice. I find it also helps to be as present in my own feelings as much as possible so no feeling becomes too overwhelming.
Your situation is extremely challenging because you likely never feel safe knowing your mother will act out at any moment and take it out on you. Is there any way you can get away from her, go to visit someone for an overnight, a weekend, etc.,? Can you stay out of the house as much as possible during the pandemic?