Why do they all do this?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Having read a many anecdotes about bpd  breakup im seeing an eerie pattern. They all love bomb the hardest right before discarding you. Mine for example offered to fly me out to her city a day before dumping me. Why do they do this, i wonder. Guilt? Or just so that they can pin you down for certain until their next move.

[Thebiglimp]

Having read a many anecdotes about bpd  breakup im seeing an eerie pattern. They all love bomb the hardest right before discarding you. Mine for example offered to fly me out to her city a day before dumping me. Why do they do this, i wonder. Guilt? Or just so that they can pin you down for certain until their next move.

[Martin 123]

Thats right its when you are the closest. It is very devastating. I dont know if i can answer your question but we can all gain some knowledge for our next relationships. We got a better sense of the patterns of bpd behavior. In my case i was very attached during the split. Its very painful but a blessing in disguise.

[Rev]

Or just so that they can pin you down for certain until their next move.

Bingo - right there.

People with mood disorders don't feel guilt or remorse in the same way. There is a massive empathy gap for a myriad of reasons, depending on the person. 

But - one thing that people with mood disorders share (BPD. NPD, GAD, APD) is a compulsive need to cover their core wound - which in the case of someone with BPD is the fear of being abandoned.  So what better way to protect that core wound than to dump someone just when that someone wants them most.

There is the "logic" in a nutshell.

Rev

[once removed]

can you tell us more about what was going on at the end of your relationship, when she was lovebombing you the hardest?

sometimes the answers arent so easy to see.

[Thebiglimp]

We had a 'fight' that made her drop the exclusivity. The fight being her going on a date behind my back and me not giving her the benefit of the doubt. (Can u imagine this logic? To her the only way i couldve won was to trust her completely even tho she was cheating! It doesnt matter what she does to me. Its all about what she gets out of me!)

So after that i guess she started being with this guy regularly for a week, during which time her affection to me went up dramatically, to the culmination of her offering a plane ticket to her then dumping me.

Its been a month since and yes... i still cant understand most of it.

[once removed]

We had a 'fight' that made her drop the exclusivity. The fight being her going on a date behind my back and me not giving her the benefit of the doubt. (Can u imagine this logic?

i had a couple of girlfriends like this in my time.

its as though exclusivity creates too much pressure. one of my first serious girlfriends in high school told me she "becomes a  " when things are official. told me she wanted to be with me, but thought it would be better not to have that hanging over us.

and yes, a month later, she left me for another guy 

partners that do this struggle a lot in relationships. there are a billion anxieties that they dont fully understand, and you only really get a glimpse of.

there was a lot at play here. she had an unresolved relationship, and that tends to spell doom for whomever gets involved in the mean time.

[BDR]

my wife of 20 years gave me the best sex on a Tuesday night then the very next day I busted her in a hotel room for the last time, I packed as much of her stuff as I could fit into garbage bags and suitcases and stuffed them into her car at the hotel and cut off all conversation. that was the spark that forced her to check herself into a rehab that I had been trying to do for months.