I feel so shut out, hurt, and misunderstood.

[Alicia15]

 Help! I’m a new member. I have a daughter in her 20s who was diagnosed with BPD a few years ago. I feel like I can’t say anything right.

She just came over for my husband’s birthday and right now gets along with him perfectly. She tells him what I’ve said and done and how odd I am. This is a new dynamic, as he’s been the bad guy in the past. Luckily, he’s very supportive of me.
 
I need to read more about BPD,, but this triangulation feels awful.

She argues with me over everything. She showed up for his birthday dinner at 8:00 because she had had a paper to write. (She lives 3 hours away). After dinner, she went upstairs to finish writing the paper. I know he was hurt. Then at midnight she wanted to play a game our family loves. We’re older and don’t stay up that late, but played anyway. Then she stayed with me until 3:00 talking and I was exhausted. The whole day was dictated by her terms and timing.  .

The next day she had to run an errand and I asked her if she’d pick up something I’ve needed and she said she couldn’t run all over town for me. It was just one item at one close store.

She blew up. I told her fine, I’d  just asked the neighbor who had offered anyway, but that she might wonder why (my daughter) couldn’t get it because she’d mentioned that before.

I shouldn’t have said that, I know, but I did.  My husband and I had done do so many things for her since she’d arrived, that I was angry she wouldn’t do one errand (I can’t go out because of Covid and my health issues.)

I apologized and she agreed to go get the item.

I usually don’t asked her for favours because she gets so upset and always says she’s too busy.  

That day, before the “fight,” I’d invited her to stay another night. After the fight and after she’d accepted my apology, she packed up in a rage and said she can’t take my abuse and since the neighbor and I hate her, she was leaving.

I never yell at her but she senses my feelings. She already blocked me on Instagram because I made the comment (in private) that in one of the photos her dog looked unhappy with the new bunny. That was enough, even though I’m her main cheerleader on Instagram. I truly love her posts. She said, “No one has their moms on Instagram.”  

It’s sort of a metaphor of how she’s been blocking me out of her life lately for the smallest perceived slights.

I feel so shut out, hurt, and misunderstood. We’ve always been close and had fun and have been able to laugh a lot, despite these things. I feel our relationship is almost gone and I don’t know what to do. Before she left in a huff I’d apologized and we were good, so her storming out was really unexpected. I’m truly at a loss.

Sorry to go on and on. This is my first post and I’m feeling lost. Thank you.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Harri]

Hi 

I am glad you found us but sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.

Dealing with the emotional ups and downs, to put it mildly, of our loved ones can be extremely challenging and draining.

You mentioned you need to do some more reading about BPD.  A great place to start is with the topics tacked to the top of this board, especially the one titled How to get the most out of this site  If you are looking for a book, I would suggest starting with Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

The best thing you can do though is to read the threads by other members and jump in and post with them.  We can learn a lot from each other.

What would you say your biggest challenge is and what would you like to work on?

Again,