Years of insanity and now it’s quiet

[Goosey]

  I have served divorce papers to my wife of 22 years.
Years of complete (for lack of better word, and I feel mean to use it) Insanity.  I just completed reading “walking on eggshells” and it broke my heart...again. 
 I feel like she probably feels. Like I abandoned her. 
  It’s eerie reading.   
  But now it’s quiet. I haven’t seen her in weeks, she has told our daughter she is seeing someone. Which was hurtful but that’s how this rolls I guess. I do love her. I just don’t know what else to do. I have been destroyed financially, slandered with vicious accusations of incest and cheating. I have been beaten and harassed.   
   But now it’s quiet. Weird.

[BDR]

I am right behind you . Wife been gone 5 weeks but she choose rehab and was diagnosed with BPD - only heard of it one time when I was trying to get understanding of her bizarre behavior about a year ago. At that time she was in an affair and checked my computer history and I remember her rage at me that I would even consider she was mentally Ill. Later on she told me I would never figure her out!

 She is now getting tools and working on a life plan - the hardest part will be for her to stay out of a relationship she is a magnet for men. I basically took care of her for the last 20 years . We had good times but for the most part she struggled to be a wife , I did 80% of duties and carried the financial load .she fought many addictions and this is her 2nd rehab stay. She is a beautiful women but a child. Her last addiction devasted the marriage no return - her counselor recommended I don't drag but get it over with now. We love each other but cant be together . The book was and eye opener for me and I am with you in the quiet -except for my 2 teenage daughters and all their friends that stay at our home daily. Just like that all is over and I am left with some major financial and personality (my own ) wreckage .   I am trying to view it all as a story and a new chapter is starting.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Goosey and BDR, There is nothing else to do but move on.  Those w/BPD leave destruction in their wake.  There comes a time when you have to part ways or go down with the ship.  I nearly destroyed myself in my 16-year marriage to a pwBPD.  Things got so bad that two kind friends and a family member conducted an intervention on me.  That's a story for another day, yet says something about how far my life had gotten off course.  I forgot who I was for a while there, which was not fun. 

After my BPDxW and I separated, I enjoyed boring evenings after work with no expectation of a confrontation.  I suggest you embrace the quiet.  Get back to being who you are at your core.  Listen to your gut feelings.  Strive to be authentic.  You get the idea!

LuckyJim

[BDR]

Thanks lucky that's very encouraging!

[Goosey]

So many broken people.  What to do. 
Lemmings we are. But we but dare to walk off the cliff. For them. They won’t care. We deserve it in their minds.  We paid all the prices of their stupid desires. We got left with the ruins to try to shelter ourselves. They moved on to the next sucker.  And throw it in our faces. 
  Honesty. Dignity. Compassion for others.
PLEASE READ happens.

[BDR]

Today my 16 yo beautiful daughter - who has struggled most with moms behavior and her absence after I kicked her out - completed an 8 hour cheer camp followed by 3 hours at her job , then came home and asked me if she could have a muscle relaxer for her soreness from the week long cheer camp. That pissed me off and I immediately responded with a harsh tone (aimed more at my BPD wife who was taking pills like candy )causing my daughter to break down , She has been staying so busy trying to avoid the pain of what her mother has done to the family. a perfect example of some of wreckage