Was this a case of BPD?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello, Just came out of a relationship of two years with this woman...
Seriously, it was the WORST pain I have ever felt. Like my soul was ripped apart. I made an ass out of myself trying to reconcile the relationship... Let me lay it down for you and I would appreciate your thoughts...

1) When we met everything was so easy... She was completely supportive and made me feel like im the best, she said she would not find someone better than me and that I am too good for her...

2) As things progress she started making comments all the time like "you will leave me", "you dont love me", "If you find a more beautiful smarter girl you will leave me for her" ect... I asked her whats the deal and she said it was a joke but it went on for TWO years...  I bought her a watch and she did not want to scribe our names onto it lest we break up... It was like she was a constant doomsday prepper...

3) Always telling me other women were looking at me, very jealous.

4) She eventually started acting strange. She literally started and carried out an argument all by herself with me in the car, because she said I talk to much about money... I sat next to her not understanding why I am being stricken with thunder from zeus almighty trying to calm her down. Eventually when we reached out destination she started tearing up and I was completely dumbfounded, but I was to much in love to internalize that there were more red flags than a minesweeper map. Some of them:

* I offered to help her study for her English portion of her Psychometric exam and she said "dont be condescending"...
* When I got angry with her for disrespecting my boundaries she said " I need to see if this is who you are and I need to deal with this" (Like I have anger issues. MADE ME SO ANGRY INSIDE. I mean wth? I should of confronted her but I did not)
* She basically took me for granted the entire semester at school, hardly talking to me because she "was studying all day" and made workbooks for the entire class (major people pleaser and attention leech). I always tried to talk but she hardly replied. When I did the same for two days she was very offended. She told me I am not talking to her enough.

* She grew ever so distant, had this other guy friend she would go to and talk to about OUR relationship and even our sex life while she was shutting me out. She hardly opened up about things that bother her with me but with him and other friends she did.

*She flirted with other guys and told me she was sorry.

* She took everything personally. Her friend made a comment she disliked and she cut her off for some time, over something which was not even offensive.

She had physiological issues in regards to sex so we had been for some time without it, and I was very supportive even when she told me to leave her and that I could sleep with other women.

during the corona lockdown, I was losing my mind in my appartment after two months. I just disconnected for one day and did not speak to her. When I came back she was a-n-g-r-y. She told me she was up all night and needs to think.
I should of left a message saying I just need space but come one its just one day... She was doing it all the semester! During the lockdown she hardly spoke to me, told me she needed to study, woke up at 7 and slept at 2 AM (she never did this before) and told me she went to her guy firend's house, lost track of time and stayed there for TWO HOURS... When I got nothing.

When we broke up subsequently, she said " I feel closer to my guy friends than I do to you, its your personality and who you are and I dont want you to change for me ( This part was infuriating). She told me I was constantly mocking her ( arrggg) and that this relationship is making her feel bad. I was so dumbfounded that I chased her for a week demanding explanations, she shouted at me on the phone for one hour, telling me I was a bad partner, that I neglected our relationship, blamed me for things I never did, and told me she constantly though I would leave her and she is tired of getting hurt.

Was this Quiet BPD? Anything? I mean I was in mental north korea apologizing left and right which I regret now... I do not honestly feel I deserved this...

[ghosteddd]

Hello, Just came out of a relationship of two years with this woman...
Seriously, it was the WORST pain I have ever felt. Like my soul was ripped apart. I made an ass out of myself trying to reconcile the relationship... Let me lay it down for you and I would appreciate your thoughts...

1) When we met everything was so easy... She was completely supportive and made me feel like im the best, she said she would not find someone better than me and that I am too good for her...

2) As things progress she started making comments all the time like "you will leave me", "you dont love me", "If you find a more beautiful smarter girl you will leave me for her" ect... I asked her whats the deal and she said it was a joke but it went on for TWO years...  I bought her a watch and she did not want to scribe our names onto it lest we break up... It was like she was a constant doomsday prepper...

3) Always telling me other women were looking at me, very jealous.

4) She eventually started acting strange. She literally started and carried out an argument all by herself with me in the car, because she said I talk to much about money... I sat next to her not understanding why I am being stricken with thunder from zeus almighty trying to calm her down. Eventually when we reached out destination she started tearing up and I was completely dumbfounded, but I was to much in love to internalize that there were more red flags than a minesweeper map. Some of them:

* I offered to help her study for her English portion of her Psychometric exam and she said "dont be condescending"...
* When I got angry with her for disrespecting my boundaries she said " I need to see if this is who you are and I need to deal with this" (Like I have anger issues. MADE ME SO ANGRY INSIDE. I mean wth? I should of confronted her but I did not)
* She basically took me for granted the entire semester at school, hardly talking to me because she "was studying all day" and made workbooks for the entire class (major people pleaser and attention leech). I always tried to talk but she hardly replied. When I did the same for two days she was very offended. She told me I am not talking to her enough.

* She grew ever so distant, had this other guy friend she would go to and talk to about OUR relationship and even our sex life while she was shutting me out. She hardly opened up about things that bother her with me but with him and other friends she did.

*She flirted with other guys and told me she was sorry.

* She took everything personally. Her friend made a comment she disliked and she cut her off for some time, over something which was not even offensive.

She had physiological issues in regards to sex so we had been for some time without it, and I was very supportive even when she told me to leave her and that I could sleep with other women.

during the corona lockdown, I was losing my mind in my appartment after two months. I just disconnected for one day and did not speak to her. When I came back she was a-n-g-r-y. She told me she was up all night and needs to think.
I should of left a message saying I just need space but come one its just one day... She was doing it all the semester! During the lockdown she hardly spoke to me, told me she needed to study, woke up at 7 and slept at 2 AM (she never did this before) and told me she went to her guy firend's house, lost track of time and stayed there for TWO HOURS... When I got nothing.

When we broke up subsequently, she said " I feel closer to my guy friends than I do to you, its your personality and who you are and I dont want you to change for me ( This part was infuriating). She told me I was constantly mocking her ( arrggg) and that this relationship is making her feel bad. I was so dumbfounded that I chased her for a week demanding explanations, she shouted at me on the phone for one hour, telling me I was a bad partner, that I neglected our relationship, blamed me for things I never did, and told me she constantly though I would leave her and she is tired of getting hurt.

Was this Quiet BPD? Anything? I mean I was in mental north korea apologizing left and right which I regret now... I do not honestly feel I deserved this...

[Rev]

Hey Ghost

Yep - sure sounds like it.  My failed relationship sounds an awful lot like these same dynamics. 

Whether it's BPD or NPD or just General Anxiety (because the diagnosis gets you to a root cause) the surface traits are very similar.

How are you doing?

Rev

[ghosteddd]

Pffff its tough as hell... But two months later I am much better... I wrote her that I forgive her for everything and that I hope she finds someone better, and that I also hope someday to hear from her the same and that we will be on better terms... She has not even responded... She cant take any blame I guess. Its either I was a bad partner, or a good one. If she forgives me it is as if she made a mistake, at least that is how I feel.