How to walk away and accept my girlfriend may die?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I cannot take any more. I am at the end of an 8 month breakup. It's left me dreading waking up every morning. I cannot take anymore. I need to walk away.

My gf and I had been dating nearly two years. Last October we decided we wanted different things with children and decided to separate. However things have not gone smoothly...

A week after we first broke up, she called me up suicidal. I had to talk her down, drunk, from a bridge. Her parents begged me 'just say you'll get back with her and calm her down'. So I did. A month went by. I tried to separate again. She overdosed on painkillers and I had to take her to hospital where she was diagnosed with BPD. She started DBT therapy and again, I pretended everything was ok. Got her back to a point where she seemed to be doing ok and tried to leave. Another suicide attempt happened. I've not been through more suicide attempts than I can count.

Most recently she posted on a suicide forum her plans to kill herself. I sent it to her dad and we both decided an enforced hospital stay was our only option. She lied to the therapists, told them she was ok (the therapists know she has a tendency to do this) and they let her out after a few days with no therapy or other help. She immediately blocked all her friends and family and ran away to Mexico where she called me explaining she was there to die.

I agreed to go over on the proviso she saw her parents and let her sister stay with her a while. I went over, she threatened to have me arrested, forced me to wrestle knives and lighters off her as she self harmed in front of me and threatened me continuously with suicide. Eventually I calmed her down. Her sister came to stay but after a few days she threw her out. She refused to see her dad. After a few days they wont home, despite me begging them to stay.

I have now got her back on American soil. For the last eight months I have woken up to suicide threats, threats to have me arrested and constant talk of suicide. I can't take any more. I have begged her to go back to therapy. Begged her to unblock friends and family.

It really hurts me that I feel I have gone through so much to support her and she wont try and get better because she loves me. But I have to accept she wont. She has told me that when I stop talking to her she will kill herself. But I can't keep going. I can't force her to get better. And my life in in shatters because of this.

I suggested we take a month break. She promised to my face that she would take care of herself but immediately went on a suicide forum to post how she had told me this but still planned to kill herself. She has promised to see her family. I hope they can take over now. Although her mum is in complete denial and she refuses to engage with her dad, even though he's desperate to help.

Am I an asshole for leaving? I've tried everything I can. But now I have to protect myself. I have accepted it will probably kill her. Is it possible to move on from this?

[Domino]

I cannot take any more. I am at the end of an 8 month breakup. It's left me dreading waking up every morning. I cannot take anymore. I need to walk away.

My gf and I had been dating nearly two years. Last October we decided we wanted different things with children and decided to separate. However things have not gone smoothly...

A week after we first broke up, she called me up suicidal. I had to talk her down, drunk, from a bridge. Her parents begged me 'just say you'll get back with her and calm her down'. So I did. A month went by. I tried to separate again. She overdosed on painkillers and I had to take her to hospital where she was diagnosed with BPD. She started DBT therapy and again, I pretended everything was ok. Got her back to a point where she seemed to be doing ok and tried to leave. Another suicide attempt happened. I've not been through more suicide attempts than I can count.

Most recently she posted on a suicide forum her plans to kill herself. I sent it to her dad and we both decided an enforced hospital stay was our only option. She lied to the therapists, told them she was ok (the therapists know she has a tendency to do this) and they let her out after a few days with no therapy or other help. She immediately blocked all her friends and family and ran away to Mexico where she called me explaining she was there to die.

I agreed to go over on the proviso she saw her parents and let her sister stay with her a while. I went over, she threatened to have me arrested, forced me to wrestle knives and lighters off her as she self harmed in front of me and threatened me continuously with suicide. Eventually I calmed her down. Her sister came to stay but after a few days she threw her out. She refused to see her dad. After a few days they wont home, despite me begging them to stay.

I have now got her back on American soil. For the last eight months I have woken up to suicide threats, threats to have me arrested and constant talk of suicide. I can't take any more. I have begged her to go back to therapy. Begged her to unblock friends and family.

It really hurts me that I feel I have gone through so much to support her and she wont try and get better because she loves me. But I have to accept she wont. She has told me that when I stop talking to her she will kill herself. But I can't keep going. I can't force her to get better. And my life in in shatters because of this.

I suggested we take a month break. She promised to my face that she would take care of herself but immediately went on a suicide forum to post how she had told me this but still planned to kill herself. She has promised to see her family. I hope they can take over now. Although her mum is in complete denial and she refuses to engage with her dad, even though he's desperate to help.

Am I an asshole for leaving? I've tried everything I can. But now I have to protect myself. I have accepted it will probably kill her. Is it possible to move on from this?

[grumpydonut]

Without knowing the full scope of your relationship, there is a chance that this is just FOG. The fact that she has threatened to kill herself so many times, but hasn't, makes me think it's her last tool to ensure you don't leave her.

I will leave it to more experienced people on this forum to answer your question about what to do, though.

[Domino]

Thanks doughnut. A few people have told me the same. I could believe it if she wasn't posting on forums and making active plans to kill herself. Maybe she knows I'm looking at the forums... but it's a huge risk to take.

Honestly, I just think me being around is making thongs worse. She keeps telling me she thinks she's evil for forcing me into a relationship I'm not happy in. But she can't stop. I think I'm just a constant reminder of her pain and the desperation of the situation.

I've got her to sign up with a therapist today. Her parents know she is home. I think I just have to hope they can keep her alive now. I've tried all I can.

[grumpydonut]

Heartbreaking situation, mate.

A good quote that may apply:

"You can't fix people, you can only give them the tools to fix themselves".

Sounds like you've done all you can.

[Domino]

Thanks mate. Easier said than done though isn't it. When someone actively tells you they're going to kill themselves if you walk away, how the hell can you live with that?

I take some solace in the fact she's kept up with her job and agreed to see her family. If she really was planning on killing herself, I don't know why you'd agree to both.