Seen my ex for the first time in 4 months, felt strange

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hey, have posted a few times here but wanted to give an update.

Been 14 months post break up, out of the blue etc but she also kept me in her life with the “friend” card for about 10 months. We had sex sometimes during that time and she very much played on that she was a victim for everything in her life. I’ve done lots of work on myself with therapy etc and then I saw her 4 months ago with a guy, so I text her in a nice way to say that I was done with the fantasy of reconciling and that I hope she finds happiness, she replied saying she will always be there for me as a friend.

We haven’t seen or spoken since, she text me 2 weeks ago though asking if I knew where something was (documents etc) I said no and we had a brief exchange on text. Then I drove past her and her boyfriend and she waved at me which I was surprised about and I think it surprised her like it was a reaction wave!

We live on the same street so I’m surprised we haven’t bumped in to each other so I had a feeling she was avoiding my end of the street since she started seeing this guy.

So today I bumped in to her on the adjacent street which confirms she has been avoiding my end of the street (to be fair I’ve been avoiding hers too) she was shocked, nervous, panicky... whereas I was cool, confident, no anxiety and I felt powerful. It made me realise a few things.

Despite the fact I think about her daily, my self work has increased my resolve and strength. So speaking to her today I felt in a way I was looking down at her where I probably looked up and idolised her before.. I could see she put the metaphorical mask on and was very nervously telling me about her work, asking about mine, everything is great blah blah... but she still looked like the little lost girl I remember.

Bottom line is that I have changed, learnt my lessons, she just confirmed to me that she is still in the same cycle, which is sad to see.

I still love her and care for her, if she was in genuine trouble I would help her... what today made me realise is that she is scared of what we had, despite her BPD she fell for me hard, as did I for her. But even so, I was a massive support network for her and that’s not the basis of a good relationship as she ended up draining me of my energy where it should be more reciprocal.

She has avoided me because of it, she knows through mutual friends how well I’m doing, that she is still in the same place mentally and I have moved forward... she hates it.

Difference today was that I saw the red flags with her, whereas I didn’t before.

Who knows what will happen in the future, I think she will keep in contact for sure, especially when she finishes devaluing this guy. One thing is for sure, I’ll be more prepared for any charming this time...

[Nongler4545]

Hey, have posted a few times here but wanted to give an update.

Been 14 months post break up, out of the blue etc but she also kept me in her life with the “friend” card for about 10 months. We had sex sometimes during that time and she very much played on that she was a victim for everything in her life. I’ve done lots of work on myself with therapy etc and then I saw her 4 months ago with a guy, so I text her in a nice way to say that I was done with the fantasy of reconciling and that I hope she finds happiness, she replied saying she will always be there for me as a friend.

We haven’t seen or spoken since, she text me 2 weeks ago though asking if I knew where something was (documents etc) I said no and we had a brief exchange on text. Then I drove past her and her boyfriend and she waved at me which I was surprised about and I think it surprised her like it was a reaction wave!

We live on the same street so I’m surprised we haven’t bumped in to each other so I had a feeling she was avoiding my end of the street since she started seeing this guy.

So today I bumped in to her on the adjacent street which confirms she has been avoiding my end of the street (to be fair I’ve been avoiding hers too) she was shocked, nervous, panicky... whereas I was cool, confident, no anxiety and I felt powerful. It made me realise a few things.

Despite the fact I think about her daily, my self work has increased my resolve and strength. So speaking to her today I felt in a way I was looking down at her where I probably looked up and idolised her before.. I could see she put the metaphorical mask on and was very nervously telling me about her work, asking about mine, everything is great blah blah... but she still looked like the little lost girl I remember.

Bottom line is that I have changed, learnt my lessons, she just confirmed to me that she is still in the same cycle, which is sad to see.

I still love her and care for her, if she was in genuine trouble I would help her... what today made me realise is that she is scared of what we had, despite her BPD she fell for me hard, as did I for her. But even so, I was a massive support network for her and that’s not the basis of a good relationship as she ended up draining me of my energy where it should be more reciprocal.

She has avoided me because of it, she knows through mutual friends how well I’m doing, that she is still in the same place mentally and I have moved forward... she hates it.

Difference today was that I saw the red flags with her, whereas I didn’t before.

Who knows what will happen in the future, I think she will keep in contact for sure, especially when she finishes devaluing this guy. One thing is for sure, I’ll be more prepared for any charming this time...

[grumpydonut]

Thanks for sharing. This was really encouraging to read.

[Nongler4545]

Thanks for sharing. This was really encouraging to read.

No problem, it feels good to write things out sometimes