I think my Dad has BPD

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi: I am reading the book Stop Walking on Eggshells, and am finding it very helpful. It very much matches what I experience with my Dad. He hasn't been officially diagnosed, but I assume he has it. I continue to get emails from my Dad indicating that I don't love him, and he's sharing info and having conversations with my brother and sister about me and my husband (comparing his 3 children and what all of our strengths and weaknesses are). He doesn't know how inappropriate this is. It's exhausting to try to maintain boundaries with him and my siblings (I'm the evil bitch in the family). On top of that, I am in the middle of a very stressful job situation, and don't have the capacity to deal with him and his impossible needs. It's exhausting. Not sure that I'm asking anything, just needed to vent.

[tucker316]

Hi: I am reading the book Stop Walking on Eggshells, and am finding it very helpful. It very much matches what I experience with my Dad. He hasn't been officially diagnosed, but I assume he has it. I continue to get emails from my Dad indicating that I don't love him, and he's sharing info and having conversations with my brother and sister about me and my husband (comparing his 3 children and what all of our strengths and weaknesses are). He doesn't know how inappropriate this is. It's exhausting to try to maintain boundaries with him and my siblings (I'm the evil bitch in the family). On top of that, I am in the middle of a very stressful job situation, and don't have the capacity to deal with him and his impossible needs. It's exhausting. Not sure that I'm asking anything, just needed to vent.

[zachira]

You have come to the right place! Many members have similar challenges with a family member with BPD, including fathers and family members who enable the person with BPD. Probably the first step in making things easier for you right now, is settting healthier boundaries with the family members who are treating you unfairly. When setting boundaries, it usually works best to say what it most important to you in one sentence while staying calm, and then walking away when you need to protect yourself from unfair verbal backlash from the other side. In the beginning setting healthier boundaries, may make things worse as the person with BPD and their enablers try to get things back to the way they were before. Eventually, you will find that some boundaries do work, while others boundaries will continue to be challenged. We are here to support and listen to you. Do keep us posted on how you are doing and how we can be the most helpful.

[Kwamina]

Hi tucker316

I'm joining zachira in welcoming you to our online community

Sorry to hear you are having these difficulties with your dad, but also your siblings. Based on the behavior your dad exhibits, you believe he has BPD. How would you describe your siblings' behaviors?

You mention how you are viewed within the family. How do your siblings generally treat you?

You already have quite a lot on your plate now with your job, and protecting your own well-being definitely is crucial. I like to echo zachira, setting and enforcing/defending boundaries is essential for preserving your own well-being. Boundaries can be set verbally, but also non-verbally. By changing your own behavior and responses, you will also signal and communicate certain boundaries even when you haven't verbalized them.

Do you you feel comfortable setting boundaries with your dad and siblings?

When you receive emails from your dad claiming 'that you don't love him', what do you normally do? Do you respond at all, and if you do, how do you usually respond?

Take care

The Board Parrot