Help managing rage and splitting

[Velasquez]

I have been with my partner for 30 years, and I've established a system for dealing with his BPD that involves controlling his environment and my own behavior. Anything that signals uncertainty, insecurity, or criticism makes him feel unsafe and triggers him, so I have eliminated these things from my communications with him. With the world as it now is, this system is very difficult to maintain. Yesterday, I received news that my employment might be in jeopardy. I was unable to maintain an even keel and snapped at him. This has triggered a massive reaction (rage, splitting, and self-harm) that I am now in the middle of.  I'm not sure whether it's peaked yet. I'm not sure whether I'm looking for advice or support, but feel very alone in the middle of this.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Football2000]

Well, my first suggestion is to keep posting updates here.

I also resonate with what you're saying. Sometimes in the past I felt like talking to my partner was like stepping into a different world. It's like you have to transform yourself almost to understand their world, because it's so different. The fact that you made it work for 30 years is miraculous. I think unfortunately keeping up the act can lead to a little resentment. At least, that was the case in my case.

Please let us know what is happening with you.

[Velasquez]

Thanks.  I am more weary than resentful at this point.  Just exhausted.  Things seemed to get a little better last night, but it's bad again this morning. It feels like the weather.  I like to think I can control it, but it's just an illusion. When it storms it comes out of nowhere, with no warning, and anything I try to do will only make it worse. So I'm doing my best to steer clear. At least my job situation is OK, so there's that.  How are you doing?  Are you still with your partner?