Overinvolved?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi all- been a while.

My MIL is still down in Florida and we have really taken a step back from being hands on with her life down there.

Found out today she has pneumonia in both lungs and is awaiting covid test results. She is not following up on her test results and is saying she cannot find it.

My instinct is to call the hospital to verify where she can go to create her online account to access the results since she is sick and stating she has no energy to keep searching. She has COPD and is in the really high risk category of not surviving if she has it.

I would normally step in for most people and help advocate and make sure proper care and treatment is being provided. However, she isn't most people, and I am not looking to further complicate things for me down the road.

Unsure of how to proceed.

[Spindle0516]

Hi all- been a while.

My MIL is still down in Florida and we have really taken a step back from being hands on with her life down there.

Found out today she has pneumonia in both lungs and is awaiting covid test results. She is not following up on her test results and is saying she cannot find it.

My instinct is to call the hospital to verify where she can go to create her online account to access the results since she is sick and stating she has no energy to keep searching. She has COPD and is in the really high risk category of not surviving if she has it.

I would normally step in for most people and help advocate and make sure proper care and treatment is being provided. However, she isn't most people, and I am not looking to further complicate things for me down the road.

Unsure of how to proceed.

[GaGrl]

The hospital can be he first step. Each hospital has social workers on staff. You may be able to connect a social worker to your MIL.

[zachira]

I like GaGrl's suggestion. If you can arrange in some way for your MIL not to find out you are involved, and to put the social worker in charge to deal directly with you MIL that could work out better. In my experience in dealing with family members with BPD and NPD, they respond better to outsiders than to a family member. I am sorry you are having to deal with this, and know you have worked hard to not be so involved with your MIL.

[Harri]

I have had pneumonia on top of my asthma before and have ended up in the hospital.  Even after being released home, it is a tough recovery with lots of exhaustion and confusion.  That is without the possibility of covid.  If it were me I would step in and call (ask her to give them permission to talk to you) and take things from there. 

My instinct is to take one issue at a time and set boundaries accordingly. 

[pursuingJoy]

Spindle, I haven't been on the boards in a while, just catching up. What did you decide to do? Any news?

Harri, I'm so sorry to hear you were hospitalized with pneumonia  I can imagine that was scary and overwhelming, esp now. Hope you're feeling better.

[Methuen]

Hi Spindle
How are you doing?
About MIL...maybe she is fearful, and avoiding.  I have adopted a new approach with my uBPD mom.  Instead of acting on her behalf, for her well-being...I ask her what she wants.  In your case with MIL, you could ask her if it would be helpful to her if you followed up on the Covid test result.  If she says yes, you can proceed as you suggested.  If she says no, you say ok.  This is the approach I have taken with my mom.  When I get an answer I disagree with, I say nothing, and quietly respect her choice, even if it pains me, and even if I am aware its a terrible decision.
How is MIL doing with the pneumonia?  Is she ok?  Did she get her Covid result?
Let us know how you are doing