Girlfriend broke up and moved on, can I get her back?

[Albaa]

Hey guys sorry for my English not my first language

So my ex girlfriend broke up with me after 1,5 years without me noticing anything. We went on vacation together and when we came back she just was like we needed to talk and then was like we cant be together i cant do this anymore. When this happend it fell like a bomb to me and was pretty hard because i didnt knew this was comming i cried before her and she also cried but didnt want to do anything with me anymore there was no real explanation for it but i kind of new what it was. She allways wanted to have post pictures with me or storys on insta but i didnt let her. She wanned me to meet her family and friend but for me it was a big step so i didnt do it eather so i think she didnt have security that i will be forever.

We then broke up and i begged and did all the beta things a man can do to got her back and finally we had like an agremeent but when we were broken up i unblocked a old friend(girl) of mine that she hated but i forgot to block her back when we were back together when she found out (i didnt do it on purpose or hide it) she went crazy like why you did this,... i told her that i didnt tought we will come back together and shes a friend of mine she is the only ond that got a problem with her so i blocked her again but it wasnt enough for her.

Than started the push/pull experience. She told me she didnt want me back couldnt trust me again and so on i was devasted because i really loved her (still do) and wanted her back she didnt give me any chance after a while she wanted to see me and meet which we did i didnt know anything about BPD then and everytime i saw her i talked about us and that i wanted her back (dumb i know) so then se decided to break up(again) by text and told me she doesnt see any future with me and that i came ‘too close’ and she felt like she couldnt breath i was devasted (again). She told me she waned to be friends i told her we cant because i loved her then i decided to pull back and then she started to do the contact with me.

After some time texting she told me too come to her house because she waned to see the new season of the show we watched together. When i went there she was very sweet and told me she missed me and looks at out pictures together from vacation etc,... when it was time to leave i tried to kiss her she told me you cant get everything so fast so next time oke we made a new date but eventualy there was never a other day i saw her.

She posted a story with a friend at some random place but a friend of mine saw a story of a mutual friend that there was another guy with her and her bestfriend so i tought oke i waned to see if she will lie about it and asked her where she was and with who she told me its a friend of her befriend wich she knew before and told me oohh he had a relationship with H (a friend of hers) and i heard he was dating some girl now so i tought oke relax no big deal.

Then i decided too make some effort and go to her work to see her (because thats what she allways wanted from me) and she sad no i dont want that my ex comes to my work and i was shocked because 3 days before she was texting me babe im home goodnight that kind of thinks. So i told her oke so i know enough im just your ex? And she told me just ‘yes’ i tought it was clear? I told her no it wasnt clear because you allways asked me where i was and called me babe, and wanted to meet my mother those kind of thinks. She just answerd on the things she wanted and left me heartbroken and said its better we leave each other alone and dont talk anymore. I never responded to that text. Then later she deleted me on snapchat and unfollowed me on insta (didnt block me) and on facebook she never deleted me.

So then i found out she is in a relationship with that new guy she told me not to worry about and it makes me sick. He’s completly difftent then me (she likes guys with beard) he doesnt have one i do, she likes guys with chesthair i have other guy doesnt. She doesnt like guys with tattoos the new guy has his both arms with sleeves im like wtf?

She deleted me on snapchat and insta to post storys with the replacement. So actually i shouldnt know she moved on with this guy because i couldnt have known but i have a mutual friend that follows her and him she doesnt know that.

Im broken , devasted , sick and angry that she just moved on on this new guy after 1,5 years and the guy she told me its nothing he isnt even her type. And i know from mutual friends that the new guy is just using her for sex because he doesnt want a relationship.

So after all this i started looking where the problem is and i really tought i was. Then i learned about BPD and i deffinitly know she has it. In our relationship the first months she love bombed me. Talked with me about marriage, kids family all that she even called me once crying because she loves me some much and was afraid i was gonne leave her and hurt her? She is impulsive , drinks aloth of alcohol, and had no father figure and very bad relationship with her mother and alot more traits of Bpd.

So now with the new guy she introduced him to her grandmother (wich is like her mother for her) and he comes to her work and post her on storys all the things i didnt do. But they are like 1 month together so i guess honeymoon phase because she rushes everything. The replacement guy even texted a girlfriend of mine which my ex probaly doesnt know. Im just amazed how fast she did switch on me for this kind of loser which isnt her type to begin with.

Learned more about Bpd in the meanwhile but i still want her back because i ‘think’ i can handle everything better know and know what to do.

I was 3 weeks in NC and then she texted me random can you change your email because she made an account with my gym card for some home excercices she told me i get all your mails to mine email and its bothering her which i think its kind of funny because it was like this for the last 4 months and now it is bothering you? Why suddenly now? I just texted her back oke no problem i will take care of it. Now iam back in NC for for 2 weeks so 5 weeks total of Nc from me.

Now i wanted some advice of you guys why you think she did this texting of the gym mails and what should i do to get her back. My guess was NC till she and the new guy brake up and she reaches out. But my question is will she reach out? And isnt there anything i can do to make it faster?

Thanks alot

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[pursuingJoy]

Albaa, welcome! What you described is really painful. An ex replaced me quickly and it hurt.

In spite of all you've been through, I understand that your goal is to reignite a relationship with your ex. Learning to navigate BPD behaviors is a lifelong challenge many of us have embraced. I'm not sure we can offer advice on how to move things along more quickly, and we can't really guess at her intent in reaching out. We can offer support and a listening ear and I encourage you to check out the host of tools here about navigating BPD behavior.

[Albaa]

Hey

Thanks for the respose


At first i didnt know anything about BPD after we broke up i tought i was the problem then i learned about BPD and i quickly found that it described her completly with everything what happend in our relationship i knew it wasnt going to last long. I still know that even if she comes back we will never make it trough the end. The feeling that i got replaced so quickly after all we went trough and all the ‘kind words’ she told me that she sees me as the father of her children and she never loved somebody als she loved me that hurts man.

It feels like it never meant anything between us. For me this was my first serious relationship so the connection we had was amazing when it was good.

In the long run i know its better like this but she never could be my wife but i still wanted to hold on that feeling and connection we had.

PS: she defriended me on facebook after 2 months of NC weird right she deleted me on snapchat and instagram and facebook she didnt till now.

[pursuingJoy]

It hurts. I get it. When I was dating, a friend of mine advised me to look at the people I'd chosen and find the pattern. The guys all seemed completely different from each other but when I looked hard, I started to see the pattern, and I learned something about myself by seeing it. What I learned helped me make different decisions next time.

BPD can teach us a lot about dysfunctional relating. What's something you've learned?