What's the best way to get my ex back ?

[once removed]

in February she had argued over a crap and said that something had broken between us.

tell us more.

what did she argue about? what did she say had broken between you?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[RichardLover55]

tell us more.

what did she argue about? what did she say had broken between you?

She said that only because during that week I pointed out to her that we couldn't always get out of school earlier, because we went with her car that pleased her. I didn't know yet that he had this disorder, she saw it as an attack.

[once removed]

understanding how she saw it is important.

if you want to know why the two of you broke up, its important to gain, as much as possible, her perspective, not dismiss it.

can you elaborate about what happened? what you said isnt clear.

[RichardLover55]

understanding how she saw it is important.

if you want to know why the two of you broke up, its important to gain, as much as possible, her perspective, not dismiss it.

can you elaborate about what happened? what you said isnt clear.

She was very confused, when she broke up with me she used a lot of excuses. She told me that she was in love and now she was no longer, that the fault was not mine and that I had done nothing wrong. She had kept me at a distance the week before, but I could not imagine that she would leave me. She said he helped his sister with an exam, I believed it. Nothing strange happened, she did everything. I don't know the actual reason, from what she said, it seems like she was afraid that I'd leave her and that she left me as self-defense first.

[once removed]

RichardLover55, she may have been using the "let you down easy" approach.

when that happens, the reasons given can be vague. quite often, the approach is "its not you, its me".

whats important now is to sort through all of what she told you - throughout the relationship - and understand what she was saying. what was broken between the two of you? how, now, would it be fixed?

[RichardLover55]

RichardLover55, she may have been using the "let you down easy" approach.

when that happens, the reasons given can be vague. quite often, the approach is "its not you, its me".

whats important now is to sort through all of what she told you - throughout the relationship - and understand what she was saying. what was broken between the two of you? how, now, would it be fixed?

She changed progressively towards me, but after the quarantine the descent was very fast. I think things were going well between us, it's all in his head. In a couple it is normal to argue every now and then. I was reminded of a particular interesting, the day before she left me she wanted me to buy her cigarettes... I didn't want to, so she started kissing me and I said to her, ""How come you act so often you want to get something out of me?" She had recently become unmanageable, she was doing virtually nothing on her own, and i was angry. I have my difficulties at home and another thing that bored her were my problems, that is, she wanted to talk to her constantly about hers and never listened to me. I've never overloaded her anyway.

[once removed]

she broke up with you.

you think her reasons are in her head and not real.

this is often the case between couples that break up. it was the case for me, too.

its been a while since the two of you broke up. isnt it time, if you want to reconcile, to reconsider? to consider that the two of you may not have been on the same page, and that, even with best intentions, you may not have seen where she was coming from, and may not now?

[RichardLover55]

she broke up with you.

you think her reasons are in her head and not real.

this is often the case between couples that break up. it was the case for me, too.

its been a while since the two of you broke up. isnt it time, if you want to reconcile, to reconsider? to consider that the two of you may not have been on the same page, and that, even with best intentions, you may not have seen where she was coming from, and may not now?

She was in love with me, I'm sure. At first I was the hesitant one, probably his problem took over. What could I do to try to get her back together ? Basically threw 8 months of love out of nowhere, we were just inseparable, It completely shocked me. Isn't chasing her the best thing?

[Flightfar]

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do other than give her time and space and hope for the best. We understand that you are in shock but at the moment, the best solution is to respect her decision. She has certainly begun to fear her own feelings and has seen the best option to break up with you.
Same goes for me, I can do absolutely nothing about my ex but respect his decision.
 

[RichardLover55]

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do other than give her time and space and hope for the best. We understand that you are in shock but at the moment, the best solution is to respect her decision. She has certainly begun to fear her own feelings and has seen the best option to break up with you.
Same goes for me, I can do absolutely nothing about my ex but respect his decision.
 

In fact I'm not doing anything, I'd just do worse.

[RichardLover55]

The thing that hurts me the most is that I couldn't really talk to her, it's monstrous.

[RichardLover55]

Lately she was crying and telling me she needed help and I was there ! I never abandoned her, she has the trauma of her father, she has separated parents. Then she started saying she wanted to protect me from her and we got to the point of breaking, these other details came to mind.

[Flightfar]

She has thought what's best for you.

[RichardLover55]

She has thought what's best for you.

Actually yes, but in my opinion it was an excuse not to pass as the antagonist. When she broke up with me, she used a lot of common phrases. I wish I didn't see her again, it would be easier ! Instead, I'm going to see her at school and it's going to hurt me awful beacause i still love her. Do they usually come back after a certain amount of time ?

[Flightfar]

Funny how similar situation you have to mine. My ex also used a lot of common phrases like ''you will be happy with someone else''. I also thought that things were going well between us...
However, the difference is that your girlfriend was not aggressive and hostile to you? My ex was very aggressive when he broke up with me.

[RichardLover55]

Funny how similar situation you have to mine. My ex also used a lot of common phrases like ''you will be happy with someone else''. I also thought that things were going well between us...
However, the difference is that your girlfriend was not aggressive and hostile to you? My ex was very aggressive when he broke up with me.

No she wasn't aggressive because I think it's a quiet bpd, she keeps everything inside then every now and then explodes with rage, it happened like that. It's crazy how someone who has this disorder behaves exactly the same way, In any case, being such unpredictable people, they may even come back. We were engaged in the house, she knew my father, I still had to know her mother though.

[Flightfar]

My ex has said a few times that he never wants to see me again and never wants to hear from me again and has still come back. So I think anything is possible.

I understand very well that it hurts you. It hurts me too. It hurts so much when the person you love suddenly does this.

[RichardLover55]

My ex has said a few times that he never wants to see me again and never wants to hear from me again and has still come back. So I think anything is possible.

I understand very well that it hurts you. It hurts me too. It hurts so much when the person you love suddenly does this.

Mine said breaks are of no use. I asked her, think about it ! At most let's take a break !

[Flightfar]

So is this the first time when she broke up with you?

[RichardLover55]

So is this the first time when she broke up with you?

Yeah, first time in eight months, I'm afraid she's going away from me forever. We saw each other again after two months of quarantine, so it's six months plus two remotely.

[once removed]

This thread has reached its post limit and has been locked. The discussion has continued here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=345587.0