What do I do?

[mindful1]

I am a person with BPD and I have a daughter with BPD and I don't know how to help her see it.
Ten years ago I was going through a divorce and could not see that I was the person with the problem.  I had dinner with my daughter one evening and she got furious and acted out, slamming her fist on her kitchen counter and then grabbing me by the collar of my sweater.  That was the moment when I woke up and saw what I was doing and what it was doing to her.  I had a great therapist who worked with me and told me about a meditation and mindfulness group.  I went there to try to deal with my anger and what had clearly emerged as BPD.  Over these ten years, I have improved and now my daughter is where I was, acting out and blaming everyone else.  She has not worked in almost that entire time and she has now divorced three times.  I know she is suffering and I want to help her awake and I don't have a clue what to do or what to avoid doing.  Can someone help me?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi Mindful1 - Welcome!
Congrats on the accomplishments you have made on your own self-improvement! 

I am so sorry about the problems with your daughter. Does she live with you?  Any children?

It's usually not possible to convince someone to get help, unless they are ready.  Thinking back, were there people who tried to convince you that you needed help?  How did that go?  If I understand correctly, sounds like you had a moment of self-realization & became ready for help.

The only one you can manage is yourself and the way you react & interact. Learning certain communication skills can make things better for you.  If you go to the large green band, towards the top of the page, you will find a "Tools" menu.  Some suggestions to start with:

1.  Boundaries:  You set them & you enforce them. 
2.  Don't Invalidate:  You don't want to validate the invalid.  If it's awkward to validate feelings, then it's best to just don't invalidate.

Within the "Tools" menu, there is, also, a link to the "Workshop" area, where you will find some communication skills.  A couple of good ones to learn are SET (Support, Empathy, Truth) and don't JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain)

Other than the anger issue, what are some other challenges with your daughter?