Where to begin? Therapy is on the table.

[GammaYear]

I appreciate the chance to find and browse the forums; I guess I'm seeking some advice on the best place to begin.

My wife (based on my read and input from other loved ones - no professional diagnosis) appears to be a high functioning BP; she checks the majority of the symptoms on the 9 symptom list at some level. 

She's sought treatment in the past for depression but is not seeing anyone right now. 

As is par for the course I think, she pretty routinely deflects blame to me (on any/everything) and/or applies unreasonable expectations to me that she doesn't hold herself to (which she's occasionally acknowledged). 

While she's reluctant to pursue individual therapy (in her mind I'm the one with the problem, of course), she is open to marital counseling and seems to think we'd benefit(I'm in the driver's seat to find someone/set an appointment), and individual, as long as me and kids seek it too - I've couched that as working through issues related to sheltering in place/COVID lockdown (which do exist, though to be clear there have been issues since well before March).   I'm open to that - me for managing the relationship, and our kids in large part due to pressures of current events/lockdown, but our 8 year old is also showing hints of the same type of traits as mom, so I don't think it'd hurt. 

So all that said, what is the best path here?  I'd expect I'd raise BPD with the person I see, but should it be mentioned in my outreach to marital counselors? Should it not?  Is it kosher to reach out to the person she sets an individual appointment with to indicate my suspicions?

Again, thanks for any help/guidance as we (hopefully) begin to work through this.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.