Hi Jane
Again, I can relate. The fear of abandonment shows up even over as something as trivial as a T.V. show
. My ex felt so threatened when my son and I would do something as simple as watch a show together without him - even though when he joined in (some of the time but not all of the time) - he was often miserable company because it wasn't about him (he also has strong NPD traits). The old damned if you do, damned if you don't dance
.
Guess you'll have to choose your battles on this one but at least understanding the illogic behind it may help.
One of the oft-repeated things that my ex threw at me during his weeks long rage fest/mental breakdown during his final discard of me was that I loved my son more than him! According to him, I should have shown my love to him by abandoning our son (yes our own shared biological child) for him!
Pfft - so glad I don't have to deal with his illogical crap anymore!
Warmly,
B