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Author Topic: There is nothing good ever going to come with any further contact with her  (Read 343 times)
dumpsterdog
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« on: October 27, 2020, 03:17:49 AM »

Well...the good news is that I have not posted on here for so long that all my previous posts are no longer hosted...that means I must be in a much better place and going longer each time without " slips "...anyway...Im simply posting to say ..that tomorrow is the ex bpd demons birthday, and for the first time in 9 years, I am to the point that I do not plan to even send any type of birthday greeting or show any acknowledgement that she still matters in the slightest in my life.. and that feels good.

Last year I did send a birthday greeting and then received a text with a pic of some flowers and she said " thanks , that was so sweet "  ( the flowers were not from me )...so that ended poorly. she texted thank you to the wrong guy..That really hurt. We didn't talk for months.

This time around we have been in contact and had a few conversations ( only because she needed help with something ) which I felt were going well, until one night she was told me that ( another man who replaced me, and then left her, ) was back in town and helped her get her " gun unjammed "...Those two statements together...told me two things that just flipped my switch...

A. She's still seeing my replacement and now recycling him AND me at the same time, and
B..She has a gun...she should not even have scissors, mush less a gun...

Her weapon of choice when she beat me up was a hammer, and brass candlestick, and cutting herself with scissors and making me watch then calling the police and telling them I " grabbed her "  and she's " scared of me "
  when i tried to clean up her bloody arms.

I let her finish the conversation without speaking another word...and when we hung up...It hit me " there is nothing good ever going to come with any further contact with her".

So tomorrow. No birthday call, or text , or card...and Im thinking maybe I finally have the strength to just go full no contact forever..

I hope so...
thanks for listening!

Dumpsterdog
« Last Edit: October 27, 2020, 03:24:55 AM by once removed » Logged
Goosey
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Relationship status: Divorcing
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« Reply #1 on: October 27, 2020, 07:08:51 AM »

I’m with you.  Nothing good usually comes of any contact. 
 I’m sure I spent 100 percent more time thinking of my ex then she does me. It’s getting easier though.
 
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Site Director
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« Reply #2 on: October 27, 2020, 12:47:13 PM »

Whether you acknowledge her birthday or not, you are still hoping to rekindle this relationship and that is at the root of what hurts. Sending or not sending a happy birthday is not going to make you feel better.

The hardest decision to make is to truly give up hope. You are ready for that yet. Why? Do you see this relationship ever working for you?

If not, what are you holding onto? I don't say this flippantly - it's a hard question, but one we need to think about.

 
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dumpsterdog
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« Reply #3 on: October 27, 2020, 07:52:08 PM »

I have given up...and I simply wont give her the satisfaction of thinking im still begging...Thats what she used to tell me about all her exes''''They all come back and want me again "..." YOU messed up the best thing that you ever had ..to bad your such a loser "... " you had your chance "...f that.

she can rot in hell before i become another dead man on her roster.

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Goosey
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« Reply #4 on: October 27, 2020, 08:11:57 PM »

Ya I kept trying to communicate in the insane years. I was begging. Plan and simple. Pleading and begging and in the end it doesn’t even matter.
  Someone advised me on this forum I would eventually just become bored with it or myself. Viola. It’s happening.
That’s when I know I’m out of love and I can’t control anything but myself.
My shrink told me I will someday realize this person will always be in my life but it will change from my spouse to the mother of my child. And that is happening too.
  It’s almost like this has happened to many others haha.
It’s sad. It’s devastating. And then it is what it is.
I’ve had my anger. I have made mistakes. Now it’s time to move on. Anger just eats you up and sadness is part of the process also. Unfortunately we have to experience them all. It’s a death of a loved one. A real first for me and I of course have lost parents and relatives in the past. This is the most Poignant loss.
 
 
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Goosey
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Relationship status: Divorcing
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« Reply #5 on: October 27, 2020, 08:15:34 PM »

I’m lucky.
I’m like dr Doolittle. Damn house full of animals and they are always happy to see ya.
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Goosey
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« Reply #6 on: October 27, 2020, 08:22:09 PM »

Doing nothing is better.
It’s like a major purchase. Sleep on your thoughts.
Plenty of cars out there. 
Ya sure I believe it when the Salesman Tells me there are seven people looking at that car. (Sarcasm)
And when the salesman tells me I’m a fool for not signing I walk.
That’s when the salesman tactics become a bit silly.
Better to yawn and get a cup of joe.
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Goosey
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« Reply #7 on: October 27, 2020, 08:35:59 PM »

And many posters have the same stories.
Male and female.
The seemingly systematic take downs that lower a persons ability to think or rationalize or basically function.
The low blow attacks both mental and physical then the begging for comfort and understanding then back around and around and then the move to the next relationship.
  That last part floored me for a while. But even that became just another lesson in my understanding. And another brick in my wall against further aggression or weakness on my part at the truth of it all.
Again I wasn’t the perfect husband but twenty years is a long enough sentence for my imperfections.
Ok enough out of me. May be time for the moderators to ban me. Good night.
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dumpsterdog
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« Reply #8 on: October 27, 2020, 09:24:51 PM »

Sanity Rocks.
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dumpsterdog
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« Reply #9 on: October 27, 2020, 09:56:43 PM »

Final thoughts...the demons have her...she is possessed by demons. I cant make them leave her alone, but I can make them NOT GET TO ME BY STAYING AWAY FROM THEM and her.

YOU cant have my soul.
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Cromwell
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« Reply #10 on: November 09, 2020, 09:22:18 AM »

Yes sanity is very important and worth valuing and protecting.

I had to find my own limitation and become unwell to the point of recognising "this is not love"

And health takes priority over any relationship full stop.

It had been very challenging to leave but the better option long term. Healing is an option and i agree with goosey these relationships can cause transient mental illness, I got out at the right time it felt intuitive as to when and not to gamble it by continuing. Take care folks.
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