Borderline friend (it’s complicated)

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi so I’m new to this thread. So, long story short my best friend of 16 years who was like a sister to me got borderline disorder back in 2015 for reasons I cannot explain here because it’s a private matter. She has a long history of getting into abusive relationships and lying about me and treating her family members like crap and she always gives me the silent treatment for no reason and she supposedly got out of an abusive marriage but I randomly came across by accident a video of her daughter dancing around their old house when she supposedly is living with her parents. Her parents were also abusive and hit her as a child and she’s a single mom. The husband is not the father (private history). She had told me previously she does still baby sit the dog until the divorce is finalized so I don’t know if she lied about the abuse or if it was just a visit and I’m debating weather to confront her or not because if she really believes her own lies it’ll only cause a fight but at the same time I feel bad about keeping from her that I had come across her daughters page by accident in my newsfeed. I’m also autistic (Aspergers) and she doesn’t really understand when I have a meltdown and gets mad at me for misinterpreting things. When I don’t hear from her it totally freaks me out. I too push people away due to autistic drama from meltdowns but in my case I literally can’t help it because I get overwhelmed easily. I cannot tell if she’s lying about things or if she actually does love me. She will be cruel towards me for days and then come back crying and apologizing saying she loves me. My friends, parents, family and therapists have all said let this go and be honest with her even if she gets mad because BPD’s need boundaries but she has left me every time I did that and later come back. I love her too much to leave her. I’m just not the kind of person to do that because people have left me for being autistic and I don’t want to do that to her. I know she loves me I don’t know what to do. I know from experience confronting her makes things worse. Should I confront her about the lies or just let it go like my therapists said to do? They have said the friendship is more important than knowing the truth but my family has said without honesty there’s no friendship and it’s my duty to tell her what I saw even if she accuses me of snooping. Things is though this post randomly popped up on my feed because I subscribe to her daughter as I’m like an aunt to her. I’m not sure what to do. Should I confront her or just forgive her and ignore it? The pain in my heart hurts so much and I could use some guidance. I don’t know how to deal with the random lies and silent treatments. Thanks

[Mermaid1988]

Hi so I’m new to this thread. So, long story short my best friend of 16 years who was like a sister to me got borderline disorder back in 2015 for reasons I cannot explain here because it’s a private matter. She has a long history of getting into abusive relationships and lying about me and treating her family members like crap and she always gives me the silent treatment for no reason and she supposedly got out of an abusive marriage but I randomly came across by accident a video of her daughter dancing around their old house when she supposedly is living with her parents. Her parents were also abusive and hit her as a child and she’s a single mom. The husband is not the father (private history). She had told me previously she does still baby sit the dog until the divorce is finalized so I don’t know if she lied about the abuse or if it was just a visit and I’m debating weather to confront her or not because if she really believes her own lies it’ll only cause a fight but at the same time I feel bad about keeping from her that I had come across her daughters page by accident in my newsfeed. I’m also autistic (Aspergers) and she doesn’t really understand when I have a meltdown and gets mad at me for misinterpreting things. When I don’t hear from her it totally freaks me out. I too push people away due to autistic drama from meltdowns but in my case I literally can’t help it because I get overwhelmed easily. I cannot tell if she’s lying about things or if she actually does love me. She will be cruel towards me for days and then come back crying and apologizing saying she loves me. My friends, parents, family and therapists have all said let this go and be honest with her even if she gets mad because BPD’s need boundaries but she has left me every time I did that and later come back. I love her too much to leave her. I’m just not the kind of person to do that because people have left me for being autistic and I don’t want to do that to her. I know she loves me I don’t know what to do. I know from experience confronting her makes things worse. Should I confront her about the lies or just let it go like my therapists said to do? They have said the friendship is more important than knowing the truth but my family has said without honesty there’s no friendship and it’s my duty to tell her what I saw even if she accuses me of snooping. Things is though this post randomly popped up on my feed because I subscribe to her daughter as I’m like an aunt to her. I’m not sure what to do. Should I confront her or just forgive her and ignore it? The pain in my heart hurts so much and I could use some guidance. I don’t know how to deal with the random lies and silent treatments. Thanks

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