Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
July 10, 2025, 06:36:32 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Things I couldn't have known
Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)
Am I the Cause of Borderline Personality Disorder?
Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle
I think it's Borderline Personality Disorder, but how can I know?
90
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: New to this group  (Read 494 times)
DonkeyFiona
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: father and stepmother
Posts: 1


« on: August 21, 2020, 07:11:37 PM »

Tonight I came across this site as I searched for direction in dealing with our adult son with BPD. This is new to us--all of it--and we are learning and very slowly finding our way through the latest crisis with the help of online resources as a therapist who was working with our son until recently. I am hoping we can find support here and learn from the experiences of others. Our son is 27 and in (yet another) toxic relationship, this time his girlfriend is pregnant and due in about six months. He struggles to support himself, much less a family of three, and we are heartbroken that this time his impulsive and irresponsible choices will affect far more than himself. His girlfriend suffers from mental illness as well and they have distanced themselves from family (until there is a need.) Until recently, his manipulation coupled with our fear and guilt have resulted in us coming to the rescue in every way when the consequences of his choices became too painful and difficult for him. We don't want to do that any longer--but now a child is involved. Hearing from parents who have found their way through situations like ours while maintaining healthy boundaries would be so appreciated.
Logged
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Sancho
Ambassador
******
Offline Offline

Posts: 958


« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2020, 02:00:17 AM »

I am sure as you read about others' experience on this site you will see how difficult people find it trying to balance setting boundaries with a loved BPD D or S and supporting a grandchild. There are so many different scenarios; some people are raising the child while going on the merry-go-round in dealing with their own child and this illness. Perhaps thinking about a range of possible scenarios and how you would respond to them might be helpful? For example someone I know cares for their grandchild one night per week - every week. So from 10 am Friday till 4 pm Saturday she cares for the child. It gives the parents a break that they can look forward to and gives her the opportunity to develop a great bond with her grandson. Another person I know goes with the flow (which is much more difficult). She is available to care for the child if and when necessary, but the parents have to deal with any other financial or other issues themselves. 
I am not sure this is helpful. I am just thinking of your situation and, because it is pretty complex I am just thinking that perhaps thinking through 'what if . . . .'might be helpful in at least enabling you to be prepared and to know what boundaries you will set as the situation unfolds. Not easy!
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!