Mom with BPD, Seeking insight.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi there, this is my first post so I'm not really sure how this works. I'm a 37 yr old with a BPD mother. Officially coming to terms with this now. She does not know. My sister does and we've begun talking. I'm trying to unpack it all and it's difficult. My biggest concern of late (that led me to officially addressing this) is that my mom has begun attacking my daughter (7 yrs old). I'm seriously struggling with keeping distance between them. Their bond up until now was so loving and they are the only grandparents my daughter has. To make things more complicated, I am a full-time single mom so my daughter has no other family connections (from a spouse or their parents for example). How do I create emotional safety for my daughter, explain away my mother's actions, without devaluing my daughter's experience and also without destroying her love for my mother? In an age-appropriate way? Many thanks.

[kartusch]

Hi there, this is my first post so I'm not really sure how this works. I'm a 37 yr old with a BPD mother. Officially coming to terms with this now. She does not know. My sister does and we've begun talking. I'm trying to unpack it all and it's difficult. My biggest concern of late (that led me to officially addressing this) is that my mom has begun attacking my daughter (7 yrs old). I'm seriously struggling with keeping distance between them. Their bond up until now was so loving and they are the only grandparents my daughter has. To make things more complicated, I am a full-time single mom so my daughter has no other family connections (from a spouse or their parents for example). How do I create emotional safety for my daughter, explain away my mother's actions, without devaluing my daughter's experience and also without destroying her love for my mother? In an age-appropriate way? Many thanks.

[Methuen]

Welcome Kartusch!

It sounds like you are a single mom with a 7 yr old, and a uBPD mom, and she has been involved in your daughters life in a positive way, up until recently.

I'm just wondering if you have had a chance to become familiar with the resources on this website...no need for me to be redundant if you already are...there is some really good stuff there if you haven't stumbled into it yet
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=334882.0

My biggest concern of late (that led me to officially addressing this) is that my mom has begun attacking my daughter (7 yrs old). I'm seriously struggling with keeping distance between them. Their bond up until now was so loving and they are the only grandparents my daughter has.

 Can you tell us more about how she is behaving with your daughter (your concerns), and how her behavior towards your daughter has changed?  i.e. how it is different from what it was before?

Also, is she any different with you right now, or just your daughter?

[Turkish]

In what ways is she attacking your daughter, and how does your D7 feel about this?

[Blueskyday]

I have the opposite problem but the same problem.
My dtr has BPD and she is attacking my Grandchild.

I have been discarded , almost a yr now.
The behaviours she visited in me have now been shifted on to the child.

I found some you tube videos on parental alienation. How to avoid it ..Not a how to achieve it.

I need her to know I hear her but I also need her to love her Mum. So, so hard

Triangulation is also good to be aware of.