I have to echo agreement 100% with
kells76. Ex lives in her own perceived worldview focused only on herself and her perceptions. She won't or can't (does it matter which it is?) open her eyes and mind to your perspective. That's why it is called mental illness. But in most cases the authorities don't see this as bad enough to have such disordered people incarcerated or institutionalized.
Catastrophizing... Been there, done that. Be thankful that most kids bounce back. Sure, none of us wanted it that way but we had to deal with the reality.
My story was that I had two temp orders, one for the separation and her emergency filing and another for the divorce. After the first was dismissed I didn't see my son for over 3 months. She wouldn't even allow my calls to go through. (And I was paying for our phones.)
So you said some things you regret or could have phrased better? Learn from that, stop feeding your foot-in-mouth actions. Court often ignores conflict that occurs prior to court, unless it meets the high bar of abusive behavior. Frankly, court doesn't care about the past as much as it does how you learn from it and become/behave better. (My lawyer said court doesn't get strict until after the case is final, it lets a lot go by unaddressed before and during the court involvement. So while that process can be easy on your ex, it also means it can be easy on you.)
Advice: Don't convict yourself when the only other person doing that is your disordered ex!Domestic or family court is your friend at this point... The longer you hesitate to draw upon the resources of family court, the longer you will be missing the court's
protection of your parental rights.
My story, I didn't know it would be 3 months away from my son. There were days I wanted to go knock on her door anyway. Fortunately I didn't, police refused to enable a peace visit but did admit they'd come rushing if she called them. I didn't want to risk arrest or jail
so somehow I kept my distance until the court issued another temp order.
Also, when we did get our divorce hearing the magistrate asked her directly if she had withheld our preschooler. He wasn't fazed by her confirmation. All he said was, "I'll fix that." He issued an almost identical temp order as we had before. No consequences for her, no make-up time for me. For me it was my very life and parenting, for him it was another day at the office and another case before him.
We all have been positively encouraging you to consult with a few experienced pro-father attorneys, select one that (1) has proactive strategies and (2) you're comfortable with. Likely it will take a few weeks or longer to get court actively involved. But the longer you delay, the longer it will be to get it resolved.
You have a Right as father to regular and unrestricted parenting time, regular split of holidays and reasonable vacation time (for a total of two to three weeks per year). However, right now that Right is unspecified, so since your ex doesn't cooperate then it is up to a court to set the proper boundaries and details. Your ex likes being in control so she will never seek the court's involvement. It's up to you. Hmm?
