Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 29, 2024, 04:58:37 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Emotional abuse by Mother  (Read 378 times)
GLW

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 3


« on: August 27, 2020, 11:39:45 AM »

Been with my husband nearly 30 years. He has always had problems with his mental health and has seen various professionals about this over the years but no significant improvements. The more I read about BPD the more I feel it fits him completely. The main problem is that he has always had an extremely difficult relationship with his mother in particular. It would take me some time to go into all the details but years of verbal abuse. As he has never felt able to Stand up to her it is always me who gets the brunt of his anger. She died suddenly 5 years ago and now he just sees her through rose tinted glasses and will not have a word said against her so it is still me continuing to be treated as if  I am the one who has made him feel like he does. Our children have tried to explain to him that I am not the one who has mistreated him but he just can’t see it. His anger at times is just completely irrational. He spends money unnecessarily which I find hard as we are currently supporting 2 children through college. He goes into a rage if I suggest he has had too many beers. He just doesn’t know when enough is enough. Finding it really hard. Anyone else suffering because of the actions of a deceased person?
Logged
formflier
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076



WWW
« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2020, 02:42:22 PM »


Welcome

I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with irrational anger and other BPDish stuff you mentioned.

Seems especially unkind that a deceased person, or perhaps a mis-remembrance of deceased person, seems to be playing a dysfunctional role.

I want to assure you that you've found a group of people that "get it".  We get the crazy reasoning and the misplacement of blame.

https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship

Can you read this article and let me know your first impression?

I'll check back later today and see what you have to say.

Best,

FF
Logged

GLW

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 3


« Reply #2 on: September 15, 2020, 11:01:09 AM »

Thanks for the link. I have read several times and the thing I struggle with the most is preserving my own emotional health. I feel that I am not allowed to be upset about anything. Not necessarily anything related to my husband but if I am upset about something non related he shouts at me . I spend 99.9 % of my time supporting him and being strong but he is unable to return this support. Sometimes I just need him to give me a hug and say I understand why that has upset you but it always ends up as an argument which usually ends with him claiming I am out to get him or the sole purpose of me being upset is to wind him up. It is the same if I am unwell . His response is always his illness or injury is always worse. I sometimes wonder how he would cope if I was really ill. His problems are always the priority. I do find it hard to talk to people about it. The personality he puts on for the outside world is very different to the one I see so friends don’t really understand. My mother can see no wrong in him it is always me that gets the criticism from her. If she comes for a meal she brings him a beer because “he works hard” I get nothing. The people who understand the most are our children who are 20 and 22 and they can understand how difficult it is but they are both away at University  and I don’t want them having to deal with this.
Logged
AskingWhy
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1015



« Reply #3 on: September 15, 2020, 05:18:03 PM »

What you are describing is projection.  My uBPD H was abused by his uNPD/BPD F as a child.  He never knew "why" he was so unhappy.  He chose to marry and have children with a uNPD W who later cheated on him and divorced him, taking the children.  Now he is of retirement age and able to see what an a$$ his father is.  H still has days when he emotionally abuses me, but it's becoming less.

Your H may  have been covertly incested by his M.  This is common in families with BPD.  It's not physical incest, to be sure, but the manner in which a child's boundaries are not respected.   
Logged
AskingWhy
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1015



« Reply #4 on: September 15, 2020, 05:19:58 PM »

This is the article from the BPD Family archives.  I hope this article helps you understand the dynmaics at work.  Covertly incested children grow up with many mental health issues, including BPD.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/was-part-your-childhood-deprived-emotional-incest
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!