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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: Arrest made on exbph  (Read 924 times)
Frankee
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« Reply #30 on: September 26, 2020, 08:17:55 AM »

As for the court paperwork, was it a summary or later date mistake?  Or was it a core source document?  Your lawyer could assess whether that needs to be corrected sooner or can wait to be addressed at the hearing.  Sadly, I also was proofreading my own court papers, mostly the errors I found never became major faults.  We're remote and can't review your documents, so we leave it to your lawyer or advocate to assist you in determining how critical a wrong date might be.
I am not sure if it was a mistake or something else.  I still don't have a lawyer.  The free legal aid told me that until I get a permanent residence that they can't help.  The good thing is that hopefully I will be moving into an apartment in the next week or two.  I got rejected for the first apartments, but I have a second apartments that are a lot more hopeful.  They are willing to work with me.  We just have to get the paperwork processed.  Hopefully once I get settled in an apartment, I can give the legal assistance people a call.
You're used to believing the lies he says about you, and when you dared to stand up for yourself, it upended the foundation that your brain is used to using.  It's going to be uncomfortable and weird for a while, and you will have doubts.  You're retraining yourself how to make good decisions, and it's okay to second guess yourself and be hypervigilant for a while.  It will take time before you prove to yourself that you can trust yourself.  That's part of the healing process.
I really was second guessing myself.  I started a new job last Saturday.  I am working as an in-home caregiver.  Long story short.  My old job started cutting my hours.  I said screw this, I need money.  Looked online, found the company, called them up and within the following week, they hired me.  Today is my first day off.  I have only been working hours while the kids are at school or daycare.  Even with those hours, I pulled overtime.  I honestly took a leap of faith.  But I knew I needed to take the first step towards my nursing degree.  I don't doubt my abilites to take care of people in need anymore.
Frankee, I’ve followed your story along the way. I don’t have advice, but it’s great to see you staking your claim and moving forward. It’s inspirational. You took a big leap. It’s a new adventure that you are now in control of. As it continues, don’t forget to pat yourself on the back. You’re doing so well. Be proud of yourself.
Thank you.  That really means a lot. I forget sometimes it's been years since I started posting here.  This place has been the one place I have always turned and I always know I can freely express myself.  This forum and the incredible people on here have saved me.  Gave me insights, wisdom, direction, resources, all of it when I was lost in inky black darkness.  I still cry when I talk or write about things, but I find they are becoming less painful.  Mostly just sadness.

In the past week, I have had the pleasure of meeting new people, gaining experience that I thought would take forever to get, found a possible new place to call home, quit my old job, worked overtime (which I can't remember the last job that allowed overtime), managed to drive literally hundreds of miles to take the kids to school and go to work.

Back in August 2015, I was kicked out of my home, threatened to be dropped kicked in the face, I ran far away, and I tried to kill myself  A man I once called my soulmate, drove me to such deep irreversable depression, that I thought that was the only way out.  I was saved and I went back.  Why?  I found out I was pregnant with his son.  He promised that he would change, that he would be a better man.  5 years later, after my crazy train emotional roller coaster, I finally know that I am strong enough to say, I deserve to be happy, safe, and not in constant fear.  I never deserved anything he ever did to me and I finally have the strength to say, I am done.
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« Reply #31 on: September 26, 2020, 08:57:57 AM »

My old job started cutting my hours.  I said screw this, I need money.  Looked online, found the company, called them up and within the following week, they hired me. 

I like this.

I don't see much debate or waffling back and forth.  You seem to have an understanding of what you need from the world of work and you are pursuing this.  Solid work!   Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)


What does the paperwork look like for the apartments that you are hopeful about?  Any snags you see?

Best,

FF
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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #32 on: September 26, 2020, 06:28:33 PM »

That's awesome that you're doing on the job training for your future career. Good work!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
JNChell
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« Reply #33 on: September 28, 2020, 05:47:30 PM »

This is great news! Everything is going to work out. Stay the course and good job. Good cursing:ing job! You’re the example that brings light to a lot of the members here.
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Frankee
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« Reply #34 on: September 29, 2020, 08:29:26 PM »

I don't see much debate or waffling back and forth.  You seem to have an understanding of what you need from the world of work and you are pursuing this.  Solid work!   Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)


What does the paperwork look like for the apartments that you are hopeful about?  Any snags you see?
Thank you for the encouraging words.  I really wasn't enjoying my old job either.  My other coworker was starting to acting like the boss on top of everything.  I don't know if she was instructed to take over discreetly or what. 

I got approved for an apartment complex!  It took some phone calls and paperwork, but they approved me and all I am waiting on now is the housing caseworker to do the inspection and sign the proper papers.  The elementary school near the apartments has a very good rating, which was very important.  I am praying by the end of this week I will be saying goodbye to the DV shelter.
That's awesome that you're doing on the job training for your future career. Good work!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
I really appreciate the wonderful feedback.  It really happened fast and I barely had time to blink before they threw me out there in the field Lol.  I have been really enjoying doing the work and I have worked a lot of hours, but it means overtime and bonuses.  Every patient I have gone to take care of always tells me they want me to come back.  I have been going to different places, so I unfortunately only get a day or two with one patient.
This is great news! Everything is going to work out. Stay the course and good job. Good cursing:ing job! You’re the example that brings light to a lot of the members here.
I am really glad to hear that.   Love it! (click to insert in post)  The entire journey from day one on here to now has been one heII of a ride.  Working my new job, even for just the past 10 days, I feel such a sense of I know this is what I want to do with my life.  Every person I leave after I take care of them are always smiling and seem happier.  They always ask me if I am coming back and that really means a lot to me.  From going to feel like I couldn't do anything right, to being told that I mess everything up.. among other things.  I thought I didn't need validation from anyone and I don't ask for it.. but it feels really good when I know I am making a difference.  Even if it's just making their day a little better.
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GaGrl
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« Reply #35 on: September 29, 2020, 09:31:15 PM »

Frankie, I am the primary caregiver for my mother, who is mid-90s. I don't know what I'd do without her other caregiver -- 24 hours a week, a CNA, and a family friend of 40 years. Not everyone has the kind of situation I have, and they really depend on the in-home caregivers like you. As you work more and your clients get to know you, they will ask for you specifically. We know one of my dad's former caregiver who works 40 hours a week for one client with mid-level dementia.

I think you are in a terrific position right now!
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"...what's past is prologue; what to come,
In yours and my discharge."
Cat Familiar
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« Reply #36 on: September 30, 2020, 10:36:47 AM »

I wanted to add to GaGrl’s comment and mention the wonderful caregiver my mom had. Knowing she was with my mom gave me so much peace of mind, and she was so good at dealing with my mom’s difficult behavior at times.

What you’ve learned here about dealing with pwBPD will serve you well in your career.

My BPD mom would sometimes put up a bit of a fuss about taking a shower, but her caregiver could cajole her into doing it in a way I couldn’t. And then she’d be happy and clean and I’d be happy because my nerves weren’t frayed.

You will be making so many lives better, not just your clients.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
JNChell
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« Reply #37 on: September 30, 2020, 03:56:31 PM »

Frankee, you have your power back. Very happy for you.
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“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
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Frankee
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« Reply #38 on: October 01, 2020, 10:24:48 PM »

I have had interesting experiences visiting different clients.  Some need more attention than other.  It's been a little frustrating at times because they had me moving around from place to place and I only had a few hours to figure out what each client needed.  They gave me general information, but I had to find out more from the client or their family.

I am moving into my new apartment tomorrow.  After a lot of searching, researching, and trying for weeks, I finally have a place to call home.  I'm still a little stress.  Next step is getting the boys into the local school and switching daycares.  They aren't going to be happy at all.  Part of me wants to keep them in the school they are in becuase of so much change they are going through, but the commute is brutal on me.  S9 is the one that gives me the most trouble.

He's supposed to have his first court date on Oct12th.  I found it online.  I don't know what they are going to do, but it stresses me out.  A friend of my girlfriend's is going through similiar situation on she told my friend that they keep pushing it back or resetting.  I still have gotten the PO.  It's ridiculious how long it's taking.  I have forgotten about it at times.  Exbph hasn't been acting crazy and most reading his recent texts would think he is just the nicest guy which I see right through.

I'm trying to hold it all together.  My EKG teacher said he doesn't know how I am handling everything.. honestly I am not sure how I am either at times.. but he told me to keep powering along.  I am going to try my hardest to keep moving forward.
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« Reply #39 on: October 02, 2020, 06:24:10 AM »


So it would seem that on Monday you can approach legal aid now that you have permanent address..right?

My hope is that once you have a lawyer, they can act on your behalf to pester the criminal justice system to be more responsive.

Is anyone giving you a reason why you still don't have a PO?

In most states it appears it's relatively easy to get one, especially with an arrest, and then there is a hearing process if the person wants to "fight" the PO.  (again..very general statement about process)

So...I'm just having a hard time imagining what the hold up is.


Best,

FF
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kells76
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« Reply #40 on: October 02, 2020, 09:23:23 AM »

Excerpt
I am moving into my new apartment tomorrow.  After a lot of searching, researching, and trying for weeks, I finally have a place to call home.

 Way to go! (click to insert in post) Congratulations!  Way to go! (click to insert in post)

Excerpt
Next step is getting the boys into the local school and switching daycares.

You might have thought of this already -- what about contacting the school counselor, and teachers, ahead of time with a nutshell version of what's going on for your boys? That way your kids can have professional eyes on them from Day 1. I don't know if they're doing all remote learning, or can be in the classroom sometimes, but either way, it seems like it'd be helpful for the professionals to be prepared ahead of time to support the boys. Could minimize some of the hard times if the adults are ready to be empathetic instead of being caught off guard.

...

I've been following your story on the different boards here over the years. What can I say except Wow. You really do try your hardest to keep moving forward  Virtual hug (click to insert in post)
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JNChell
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« Reply #41 on: October 02, 2020, 06:29:35 PM »

I’m curious. How do you feel?
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“Adversity can destroy you, or become your best seller.”
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Frankee
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« Reply #42 on: October 03, 2020, 10:30:20 PM »

So it would seem that on Monday you can approach legal aid now that you have permanent address..right?

My hope is that once you have a lawyer, they can act on your behalf to pester the criminal justice system to be more responsive.

Is anyone giving you a reason why you still don't have a PO?

In most states it appears it's relatively easy to get one, especially with an arrest, and then there is a hearing process if the person wants to "fight" the PO.  (again..very general statement about process)

I've asked the DA what is the deal with the PO.  All she can tell me is that's how long it is taking.  Absurd if you ask me.  I can only imagine how long the divorce and custody will take.  I thought that with everything I had and especially the whole hospital incident, I would of gotten one sooner, but apparently not.  I am going to contact the legal department on Monday to get the ball rolling.
Way to go! (click to insert in post) Congratulations!  Way to go! (click to insert in post)

You might have thought of this already -- what about contacting the school counselor, and teachers, ahead of time with a nutshell version of what's going on for your boys? That way your kids can have professional eyes on them from Day 1. I don't know if they're doing all remote learning, or can be in the classroom sometimes, but either way, it seems like it'd be helpful for the professionals to be prepared ahead of time to support the boys. Could minimize some of the hard times if the adults are ready to be empathetic instead of being caught off guard.

...

I've been following your story on the different boards here over the years. What can I say except Wow. You really do try your hardest to keep moving forward  Virtual hug (click to insert in post)
Thank you so much for the encouragement.  I think that may be a good idea to talk to the school about the situation.  I have a feeling S9 might be a handful at school switching and doing something completely different.  S9 and I have been butting heads a lot.  I have been trying to be patient and understanding because it is a lot to take in.
I’m curious. How do you feel?
Tired, excited, stressed, anxious, relaxed Lol.  All kinds of emotions.  I am so glad to be out of the shelter and finally into a place I can call home.  It's very quiet here.  No babies crying, no kids running up and down the halls, no commotion, no intercom announcements like it's prison and saying lights out.. I can hear my fridge running and that's about it.  I bought an air mattress for me and boys to sleep on till we get some furniture.  It will take awhile to make into a home, but we will get there.
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JNChell
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« Reply #43 on: October 04, 2020, 12:10:10 AM »

Girl, I really appreciate you. It was the same way with S5 and me. I bought a cheap couch. That’s what I slept on for a while. S5 was very young and when I had him he would sleep on me. I’d hold him on my chest throughout the night. I eventually got a bed, and he would sleep next to me. In the morning, I’d wake up with him clinging to me. Some of my best memories.

I’m so happy for you. You’re doing so well. Keep pushing on.
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Frankee
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« Reply #44 on: October 11, 2020, 01:02:30 PM »

Girl, I really appreciate you. It was the same way with S5 and me. I bought a cheap couch. That’s what I slept on for a while. S5 was very young and when I had him he would sleep on me. I’d hold him on my chest throughout the night. I eventually got a bed, and he would sleep next to me. In the morning, I’d wake up with him clinging to me. Some of my best memories.

I’m so happy for you. You’re doing so well. Keep pushing on.
Thank you so much!  Some days I struggle so hard that I don't know how I am going to keep it together.  I have found solace in this forum, my private facebook account for DV groups, my really close friend and family.  They are all supporting me.  My mom made me laugh.  She said jokingly that they'll sell the house out of state and just furnish my whole apartment.  It's not realistic, but the fact I know they would do that if they really could means a lot.

I got a air mattress for myself and boys, but realized I need at least another twin size for S9 because we would be been cramped.  We may be sleeping and sitting on them, but the boys don't seem to mind.  Heck, they don't seem to mind the lack of furniture at all. 

Last week was rough.  I was an emotional wreck.  I found out that exbph has a court hearing tomorrow at 8am about the arrest.  He doesn't know I know and I'm not going to tell him either.

I also finally got a letter in the mail about the PO.  Get this.. first hearing date is November 5th.  Taking about them taking their sweet time.  I have to contact the DA and give her my updated information.  I am working on transfering schools for the boys.  I have to contact the school again because I cannot find their application online to fill it out.  There is a lot of change for the boys and it's been an emotional rollercoaster for them as well.
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« Reply #45 on: October 11, 2020, 02:04:41 PM »

To help furnish your apartment, see if there is a Habitat for Humanity Resale Store in your area. They take all kinds of home construction and renovation donations, and they are now taking furniture. Explain your situation, and they may be able to do a multi-room package deal.
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« Reply #46 on: October 11, 2020, 02:44:41 PM »

To help furnish your apartment, see if there is a Habitat for Humanity Resale Store in your area. They take all kinds of home construction and renovation donations, and they are now taking furniture. Explain your situation, and they may be able to do a multi-room package deal.

Also there may be a church in the area that can help out.

Best,

FF
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« Reply #47 on: October 16, 2020, 07:50:41 PM »

Staff only This thread has reached the posting limit and is now locked.  Thank you,  and have a great day!
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