So hard

[Stevovo]

Wow. This is going to be difficult.  She was diagnosed with BPD 20 years ago but is an extraordinary person and has been reasonably successful in her life if not relationships. She has been good for me in significant ways and I have made positive life changes while with her for the past 2 and a half years. The beginning was stormy and jealous but amazing. I have not been the ideal partner of course.

In the present she has levels of irritability that are very difficult to deal with both for herself and me. She likes to micromanage our lives and becomes very aggressive, hurtful and nasty if things do not go exactly her way.

Her sleep is quite disturbed hy bad dreams and she spends hours awake between 1am and 5am and then will wake me to tell me that I'm snoring multiple times. I offered to sleep in another room which I think she is happy with tyou gh it has meant significantly less time and closeness between us. I'm not meaning sexually as much as emotionally. Nowadays I don't think she needs or wants nearly as much closeness anyway though I do...

I feel a bit like I am lost in this relationship, like it is some kind of maze where I cant see where I am or any way out. I wonder whether it is that I have character faults that cause things to be this way. I have never had a relationship where I feel so blamed and unappreciated and unloved and unwanted yet when things are good the most of all of that in my life. I even felt in the beginning that her levels of love were kind of a healing force in my life.

Because of covid I have to sell my house and she has purchased a place and wants me to be with her, or says she does (it doesn't feel like it) but I wonder whether I should just let this go...

I know it is also situational to some extent as lockdown where I live has been long and strict but will it not always return to this?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

You have found a place that can help you sort through all the confusion surrounding a relationship with a "pwBPD" (person with BPD).

https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship

Please read that article, I'm interested in your first reactions/thoughts after reading it.

Hey...can you explain further why you have to sell your house?  How does covid affect that?

Best,

FF