Daughter discarded me almost a year ago when I had a cancer scare

[Blueskyday]

Hi all,
I used to post here last year.
I had a cancer scare and she literally accused me of looking through her on the street and discarded me.
I spent Christmas alone. I had no birthday ceebration as she and my Grandchild are the only family I have.
Her behaviour through the years left me broken and isolated.
She is histrionic and I am sure an alcoholic now.
She engages in risky behaviours.
She is cruel

Fast forward and now were in a Pandemic.
I am concerned about the child and going to school.
The child is showing signs of extreme stress.

My dtr sent me a wotsapp describing her suicidal ideation etc etc.She said she needs to go on medication. She said I am cold and different with her than I am with the child. I basically am a monster

She became agressive after coming off of her meds. I am the enemy, the source of all of her problems. Yet a yr without me hasnt made her happier.

I said we need to sit down and talk. She shut that down right away.
She said she cant be responsible for me being broke and being sick. I havent had a Lupus flare since she discarded me.

She made me ill. I am not broke..Well I am struggling but I hve 6 months food ready for winter.

I am flabergasted

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Well hello again, Blueskyday

Yep, it has been a while since your moniker showed up but life is always pulling us in different directions.  I found BPD Family about the same time you did.  Every now and then I take a bit of a break but I am always drawn back...either licking my wounds...or I read a post that makes me want to jump in and give hugs and words of encouragement to a fellow parent...especially to a fellow grandparent.

One phrase in your post that caught my attention is..."she discarded me."  One can "discard" garbage but you, Blueskyday, are NOT garbage.  What your daughter did was choose to cut ties with you.  Seems not all bad because you write since then you haven't had a Lupus flare.   Good thing, huh?

I so understand your concern about your grandchild and the fear of him/her about to go to school during this pandemic.  That is a fear that is shared by millions of others. 

Indeed there have been many bumps-in-the-road for you over the past years.  How scary it must have been to have the cancer scare.  Reading between the lines, I am assuming it turned out to be a "scare" and not a diagnosis?  Hope that is the case.

I am so glad you found your way back here...a step in the right direction to get you on the mend.  So much time and attention can be on these troubled loved ones who share our lives.  Consequently we tend to forget about ourselves...our needs...our happiness.  It takes a lot of work to re-focus and realize that we are just as important as they are...that we are not to be their kicking post.  We rob them of their own healing/learning if we buy into their claims that we have ruined their lives...that we are the cause of all their problems.

Babysteps, babysteps, Blueskyday!   Be patient with your progress.  Keep sharing...do your homework!   As you know from before, the support is here for you...but it is you who will have to do the work.

((HUGS) ...to a fellow Grandparent...from Huat.

[Blueskyday]

Thanks Haut,
It's not the virus that scares me.
All of the kicking that came my way is now going to the child.
The child is breaking under the strain if her Mother's behaviour.
She is 9 now.

It seemed like a cry for help from my dtr but I realise it was a push back against any suggestion that the dog should return.
Het dog has been with me since March but the child misses the dog and suggested the dog go home.

The response to this was for my daughtet to tell me she is suicidal. ( My brother killed himself) This had been a reccuring threat for over 15yrs from her.

[Huat]

Hello Blueskyday

How sad to read about your brother's suicide.  I am so, so sorry that happened!  Then to have your daughter threaten to do the same...how disturbing that must be for you.  So, so sorry!

I do know what it is like being a Grandmother, having great concerns for my grandchildren...yet having my hands tied.  My heart goes out to you!

I hope you continue on here.  I hope you keep finding this as your "safe place."  As you well know, there are no immediate answers to any of our problems but sure helps to be able to share and then feel the support from others.

Huat

[Blueskyday]

Thanks Haut,
I do very much feel safe here and understood.
xxx