Lonely and scared

[PennyB]

Hi I’m new to this group.  My fiancé of 3 years is diagnosed with BPD.  He’s very moody, narcissistic, and I feel like walking on eggshells all the time!  2 nights ago, he flew into a rage about nothing.  His whole personality changed.  His eyes turned dark and mean as he yelled at me. 
I don’t have many friends or family members to talk to who would understand this, so I feel deeply alone, anxious and confused! 
I love and feel for him. He always apologizes after and promises it won’t happen again but a week later it happens again. He will cry and beg me to stay in this relationship. He also mentions suicide if I ever left.   But I feel I’m being used as a dumping zone! 
I feel so so bad about this situation.  I wish we could have a normal relationship. The loneliness is terrible!
I’m looking forward to learning more about BPD and meeting others in the same situation. 
Thank you, PennyB

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pursuingJoy]

PennyB, welcome  I'm so sorry for what you're going through but I'm glad you're here. The loneliness is so hard, isn't it? Most of us can relate to not being able to talk to family or friends about this. There's so much they don't/can't understand.

When he is stable, do you feel connected?

It's not ok that you feel like a dumping zone. There's a balance to listening, validating, and if necessary, protecting yourself with boundaries. This board is a great, safe place to vent and hear from others. We can share our experiences and what we've learned and help you come up with practical ways to improve communication with your fiance.

Have you set a date for the wedding?

pj