My sister pushed me out of my family

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi. I'm new here. I have two adult sisters. One has diagnosed BPD or other personality disorder. She has rarely if ever shown remorse, is a narcissist, and is still the most manipulative person I've ever known. She has ganged up against me with my other sister my whole life. My parents have always favored my BPD sister, and it seems to be getting worse. My mom has seemed to regressed into child-like behavior and has zero awareness of the damage my BPD sister has done. I feel like I don't have a family anymore. No one has ever put me or my needs first and I literally can't play their game anymore. But it hurts so much to completely cut everyone off from my life. I feel like I've been crawling back from a lifetime of abuse from my sister. I feel tired and behind in my life goals. I am a sweet, tender person who is very hurt and not sure how to deal with it. Thanks for listening.

[Miss Miller]

Hi. I'm new here. I have two adult sisters. One has diagnosed BPD or other personality disorder. She has rarely if ever shown remorse, is a narcissist, and is still the most manipulative person I've ever known. She has ganged up against me with my other sister my whole life. My parents have always favored my BPD sister, and it seems to be getting worse. My mom has seemed to regressed into child-like behavior and has zero awareness of the damage my BPD sister has done. I feel like I don't have a family anymore. No one has ever put me or my needs first and I literally can't play their game anymore. But it hurts so much to completely cut everyone off from my life. I feel like I've been crawling back from a lifetime of abuse from my sister. I feel tired and behind in my life goals. I am a sweet, tender person who is very hurt and not sure how to deal with it. Thanks for listening.

[Hilla]

Hi, i want you to know i have felt the way you do, and i am so sorry you have to deal with it, it is so, so unfair, and feels both totally rotten and completely upside down. i hope you are nurturing yourself with easy-going things so you can be comforted. i hope you have quiet, private space in your life to find peace. do you have a support system? do you have someone to call? is there anyone else in the family who has seen the truth like you have? i hope you have someone you can talk to, you deserve a safe space to let out the difficulties, to talk about what is negative and hard for you, and be heard and respected. you deserve compassion, remember that. your feelings are valid, your truth within you is real.

[JNChell]

You know, it’s hard to get emotions across through text, but your emotions are very easy to hear. Can I cut to the chase? Good!lol My dear, you are a scapegoat. I’m sorry if that’s too blunt. The thing is, you posted your story amongst a bunch of scapegoats. You hit gold my friend! I was a scapegoat.

Sorry, sometimes lame humor helps. Seriously though, if you have a sister that is diagnosed BPD and more abusive behavior going on there?... it’s not just her.

How much has your sister beat down your self esteem? You found a good place here. I’m just one of those assholes that asks hard questions sometimes.

[Notwendy]

You are not alone. I am also my BPD mother's scapegoat child and she interfered in my relationship with my father and her extended family. I felt very hurt, and know how you are feeling.

Please don't hesitate to seek out help through counseling. These family patterns are dysfunctional and it may take some time and support to work through your feelings but it is worth it. My BPD mother and her family have not changed, but I don't react to their behaviors in the same way as before. It can get better- not through seeking their acceptance of you ( which we naturally want to have) but through you understanding why they act this way and knowing it's more about them than you.

I think it's important to realize that the source of their behaviors is their own dysfunction and that the way they treat you is more of a reflection of that than you. But it also takes some time to work through this and also grieve for the wishes of a family that didn't materialize. It helps to have a support system and this might start through counseling, but in time, you can find this through your own friends and relationships.

First take care of you.