verbal abuser now deceased - misplaced anger

[GLW]

Been with my husband nearly 30 years. He has always had problems with his mental health and has seen various professionals about this over the years but no significant improvements. The more I read about BPD the more I feel it fits him completely. The main problem is that he has always had an extremely difficult relationship with his mother in particular. It would take me some time to go into all the details but years of verbal abuse. As he has never felt able to Stand up to her it is always me who gets the brunt of his anger. She died suddenly 5 years ago and now he just sees her through rose tinted glasses and will not have a word said against her so it is still me continuing to be treated as if  I am the one who has made him feel like he does. Our children have tried to explain to him that I am not the one who has mistreated him but he just can’t see it. His anger at times is just completely irrational. He spends money unnecessarily which I find hard as we are currently supporting 2 children through college. He goes into a rage if I suggest he has had too many beers. He just doesn’t know when enough is enough. Finding it really hard. Anyone else suffering because of the actions of a deceased person?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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