Bpd wife ruined my life

[Depression = 72% of members]

I met my bpd wife 6 years ago she had just got out of relationship with her  2 kids father. She was great at first honestly I never felt so loved by anyone. This was before I knew she was bpd. So first 3 years was ok I battled my own demons but she seemed happy . My grandfather got sick and I had to spend majority of time helping take care of him away from her. Well this is where constant lyi g started mood swings acting out. When I was home I walked on eggshells . Well she went to see therapist and he diagnosed her with bpd. Prescribing 8 mg of kaladapin daily. Highest dose I've ever heard of. I didn't take the bpd serious becuz she was also a hypochondriac saying somethings wrong with her wanting attention then blaming me for not caring enough. Finally I told her to move on becuz the lies and mood swings and ultimatums..within a week she was with another man. I still blamed myself because I left her so I didn't care much I just had alot of guilt. Well few weeks go by he calls me says she needs to see me. I really didn't want to because the guy she with is an iv drug user and I just didn't want be close enough to catch something.  But I gave in we went for a drive got back she said she needed held woke up that she woke up thinking of me told him to leave for a bit and tells me she misses what we had making it seem like I screwed up n making me feel guilty . (In reality none of this was true. The bf overdosed and went to rehab. She didn't make him leave). I didn't find this out till later. So we started talking and hanging out alot I fell back in love. Long story short she said she give him one more chance of he screw up she go back with me. So whole time he's in rehab were hanging out hooking up and I'm feeling in love like when I first met her. He ends up leaving rehab so i move in with her to work on marriage.  For couple days was great I reproposed got her new ring and everything. PLEASE READ was fine then after only 4 days she says she needs process things she don't kno if she can get over me leaving her from before. So I move out n the whole time I'm thibki g she has to get over this and we will be good. She still was talking to me telling me she needs time that well be together soon..what really happened was she took him back and was in relationship with him. So he freaks out tweaki g on meth and scared her ..remember the whole time she's lying saying she's single needing time to process things with me. Anyways finally after few days of her bro g scared of him I move back in. She says he was mistake and wants marriage.  Well she acted fine then I'd catch her talking to him on fake fb account she made and shed blame me saying why would u read my messages. We went o see her counselor for bpd together he told her he's on my side that the other guy is bad news to stay away.  So things were great she wasn't talking to him we talked about future and bought new furniture together. Then all of a sudden she needs time alone with her daughter . I disagreed I knew from past she was up to something. Then I see messages to her daughter that don't make sense. Like nobody's around if u want to talk. Here her kid gave him her old phone to use so she had it listed as her daughter. Yelled at me saying I'm ridiculous reading messages from her to her daughter. Then accuses me of not wanting her to see her daughter and that I'm a pos trying to make her choose between me and her kid. Meanwhile I'm write she had Bern talking to him threw her daughters phone. So were looking at desks for her pc in the morning she's saying "babe" and "hon" like nothings wrong and then that evening says " i dont want be with you anymore" after i belived everything was good. So i move out and the guy who she was with moved him in the same night. These bpds have no empathy remorse guilt nothing and all the lying my god i never met such a pathological liar. The texts the making fake fb accounts everything. What's nuts is she discarded me the first time she would watch my facebook and sabotage girls I was talking to threatening me to stop seeing or she gonna tell them this and that about me. She don't want me but don't want me with anybody?..well this time I learned my lesson my life was turned upside down. I will never let her recycle me I have cut all.ties and will never speak to her again. I can't keep wasting my life for her. Specially when I mean nothing to the person.

[Danzigpool77]

I met my bpd wife 6 years ago she had just got out of relationship with her  2 kids father. She was great at first honestly I never felt so loved by anyone. This was before I knew she was bpd. So first 3 years was ok I battled my own demons but she seemed happy . My grandfather got sick and I had to spend majority of time helping take care of him away from her. Well this is where constant lyi g started mood swings acting out. When I was home I walked on eggshells . Well she went to see therapist and he diagnosed her with bpd. Prescribing 8 mg of kaladapin daily. Highest dose I've ever heard of. I didn't take the bpd serious becuz she was also a hypochondriac saying somethings wrong with her wanting attention then blaming me for not caring enough. Finally I told her to move on becuz the lies and mood swings and ultimatums..within a week she was with another man. I still blamed myself because I left her so I didn't care much I just had alot of guilt. Well few weeks go by he calls me says she needs to see me. I really didn't want to because the guy she with is an iv drug user and I just didn't want be close enough to catch something.  But I gave in we went for a drive got back she said she needed held woke up that she woke up thinking of me told him to leave for a bit and tells me she misses what we had making it seem like I screwed up n making me feel guilty . (In reality none of this was true. The bf overdosed and went to rehab. She didn't make him leave). I didn't find this out till later. So we started talking and hanging out alot I fell back in love. Long story short she said she give him one more chance of he screw up she go back with me. So whole time he's in rehab were hanging out hooking up and I'm feeling in love like when I first met her. He ends up leaving rehab so i move in with her to work on marriage.  For couple days was great I reproposed got her new ring and everything. PLEASE READ was fine then after only 4 days she says she needs process things she don't kno if she can get over me leaving her from before. So I move out n the whole time I'm thibki g she has to get over this and we will be good. She still was talking to me telling me she needs time that well be together soon..what really happened was she took him back and was in relationship with him. So he freaks out tweaki g on meth and scared her ..remember the whole time she's lying saying she's single needing time to process things with me. Anyways finally after few days of her bro g scared of him I move back in. She says he was mistake and wants marriage.  Well she acted fine then I'd catch her talking to him on fake fb account she made and shed blame me saying why would u read my messages. We went o see her counselor for bpd together he told her he's on my side that the other guy is bad news to stay away.  So things were great she wasn't talking to him we talked about future and bought new furniture together. Then all of a sudden she needs time alone with her daughter . I disagreed I knew from past she was up to something. Then I see messages to her daughter that don't make sense. Like nobody's around if u want to talk. Here her kid gave him her old phone to use so she had it listed as her daughter. Yelled at me saying I'm ridiculous reading messages from her to her daughter. Then accuses me of not wanting her to see her daughter and that I'm a pos trying to make her choose between me and her kid. Meanwhile I'm write she had Bern talking to him threw her daughters phone. So were looking at desks for her pc in the morning she's saying "babe" and "hon" like nothings wrong and then that evening says " i dont want be with you anymore" after i belived everything was good. So i move out and the guy who she was with moved him in the same night. These bpds have no empathy remorse guilt nothing and all the lying my god i never met such a pathological liar. The texts the making fake fb accounts everything. What's nuts is she discarded me the first time she would watch my facebook and sabotage girls I was talking to threatening me to stop seeing or she gonna tell them this and that about me. She don't want me but don't want me with anybody?..well this time I learned my lesson my life was turned upside down. I will never let her recycle me I have cut all.ties and will never speak to her again. I can't keep wasting my life for her. Specially when I mean nothing to the person.

[grumpydonut]

Hey Danzing.

Sorry to hear what you've gone through. That all sounds typical of BPD, so you've come to the right place.

Without judgement, what most sticks out from your story is your disrespect towards yourself. It's not your fault (for it's normal to read your own goodness into your partner without realising the evil and selfish way they see the world), but you allowed yourself to be her plaything.

My assumption is that once she was with her new man, you felt worthless, and when she came back this touched something in you that wanted to feel like you meant to her what she did to her. The problem is, you didn't. And it's not because you aren't special or unique, rather that people with BPD are empty shells void of normal human responses. They overstate, they lack empathy, they emotionally reason, they are self-serving, self-centred humans that will do anything to fill the void they feel every single day.

My fear, reading your story, is that your words don't match what's happening deep inside her. Ask yourself, if she came back do you think you'd have the strength to really say no (recognising that you deserve much much better than what she can provide). I know I've said the same things you have said, while deep down I yearned for her to return to me to prove I was worth something.

Fact is, whether she comes back or not, you're worth something. And you're more than a utility for a person with BPD to use when she sees fit and discard when she finds something that makes her feel slightly better (for ten minutes before she returns to you).

I apologise for my lack of sympathy and empathy towards people with BPD.

[Danzigpool77]

Well it's been 2 days and she calls today about bringing my stuff and wants me to come back..i guess the new guy left and was out doing meth all night. So she says he set her up for us to break up n she loves me. Not once taking responsibility for her actions. So then I tell her I can't do it again she says I'm gonna show u how much inlive u n pulls off side of road pulls a knife out gets out of car ttys to slice her wrist I get knife off her n personally I think she's too selfish to kill herself. So longbstory short she got mad drop me off 2 blocks from where I live. I had to walk n that's last I heard ..besides herding text me saying she call him crying about me. I can't go threw another discard I'm lucky I have family support or I'd of probly kill myself..i do love her no matter how she feels about me. I'm just scared it's gonna happen again if I go back n a part of me does want to go b
ack

[Danzigpool77]

She had her kid call me put her on phone she says made mistake wants to talk I said I'd talk it's been 45 mins she supposed be on way who knows with bpd as fast as they change there mind..should I go back if she actually shows?

[JNChell]

Hey there. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. You’re in a good place here. Every single person that you interact with will understand what you’re going through.

She may have been battling fears of abandonment while you were gone, and was still pissed about it when you got home. Medication doesn’t work for BPD. I’m surprised that the doctor prescribed it. Kaladapin is pretty powerful, isn’t it?

The knife thing? You are dealing with a true, high spectrum Borderline and you need to be careful. She could’ve pulled that knife on you and still can if keep engaging her. Do you understand that? This girl is also capable of cutting herself, blaming you and calling the police. Stay away from her.

She’s now triangulating her own children with you. Look, we’ll get into specifics later, but you gotta stay away from this girl. What are you going to do?

[grumpydonut]

I 100% agree with JNChell.

You need to avoid this woman. What you've gone through is terrible, however she is capable of inflicting much much more pain.

Please save every text and email you have received from her. Document her contact with you and send it to yourself in an email so it's dated. Please consider contacting the police to inform them about her trying to cut herself. It's good for them to have this on record concerning you SHOULD she soon turn against you and start with false accusations.

This isn't paranoia on your part, you are in a very dangerous position.

[Danzigpool77]

We got a hotel last night to talk . She's loving and affectionate again. Wants to take her meds right and wants to do counseling 2 times a week..we have an appointment for monday. She's saying she feels like a pos that she just wanted excitement she says she's going to file a protection order against the guy. I brought 2 days worth of clothes to our house that's it cuz I want to ask her counselor what to do..maybe this will be a success story she was only gone 3 days . She promised she will never do it again and wants help..

[grumpydonut]

Hi Danzing,

Best of luck. Be armed with the knowledge that this is all apart of the cycle. If I were you, I would contact the guy and find out if her story matches his. I can almost guarantee it doesn't.

[JNChell]

Man, be very careful. This board is for individuals that want to detach. You’ll find help and great support on the “Bettering a Relationship” board. Please go there. Your knowledge and experience helps every member here. You’ll find great support there.