It’s hard to not see S5

[JNChell]

I haven’t seen my Son since July 19. His mom won’t allow it. I have no right according to her. I am so emotionally rattled at this point. This  :cursing:started when we were still together. She constantly took him away. She wouldn’t say where he was: nothing. Then she would come back with him. This happened so much. I swear to God that I’m going to have a heart attack over this stress.

There is no good reason to keep he and I apart. She calls it a boundary. She and I don’t get along at all. I’m blocked from everything and I’m not quiet about it. I never will be! That’s my child.

[missing NC]

Hi JNChell,

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation.  Alienation is heartbreaking. 

Forgive me if you've already addressed this elsewhere, but I assume you have retained counsel and put in place a custody agreement and are documenting each attempt to make contact with him.  If you don't have an attorney, domestic violence shelters can put you in contact with a legal advocate.  Another option that is less expensive than an attorney is to hire a legal consultant to coach you through representing yourself.  That may be a trickier option though for custody issues. 

[missing NC]

I almost hesitate to recommend this group because the individual who I know who contacted them is morally reprehensible...but the group itself may be okay: https://www.facebook.com/Childrenneedfathers/

 

[JNChell]

Hi missing NC. Thank you. I have an attorney and an initial hearing date is set. Ironically, that date is his birthday. She refuses to let me see him. She’s calling it a boundary. She’s using our boy and I’m worried about that. I haven’t clicked on the link yet, but I will. Thank you for the resource.

How are things with you? You mentioned a morally reprehensible person.

[ForeverDad]

She heard the word 'boundary' somewhere, maybe some acquaintance, maybe you, doesn't matter who — something like this would have eventually happened anyway — so she projected that onto you.  That was almost predictable.  Our acting-out ex-relationships do that, a good word got weaponized.

Most likely court will rule, whether quickly or turtle-slow, that her boundary without supporting basis cannot continue.  We can only guess what family court will do to remedy things but we can assure you with virtual certainty that you will get time again with your son.  Probably more time than you've gotten in the past.

And the real difference is that your parenting time will not be at her whim, it will be an enforceable court order.  Right now parenting is a free-for-all, with her convinced that as the birth mother and never married to you she therefore has full control.  Well, she's the irresistible force that will meet the court's immovable wall.

[JNChell]

Thank you. I just miss him.

[missing NC]

Hi JNChell,

I'm just trying to get through the next eight months minimum (or next three years depending on how things turn out).  Thanks for asking.  My passing acquaintance with Children Need Fathers is a long story. 

It's unfortunate that my former brother-in-law was not aware of such groups though I doubt they would have done him any good.  If you have not already done so, I imagine you will be meeting with a family law mediator before the court date.  It's not a bad idea to have photos of you and your son together if needed for that meeting and/or for the court. 

It is not uncommon for the court to restart visitation with a parent who has not seen the child for a while as supervised.  This is not a reflection on you. It's just a common practice. That may not happen, depending on your state, but it's best to be psychologically prepared for that possibility.  If it does, contact can be increased over time. 

Hopefully you have had a chance to read Splitting. I fully appreciate the stress you are under and wish you the best of luck moving forward.   

[JNChell]

It’s tough stuff. Everything is in line as best it can be. I just have to wait. I have plenty of pictures and videos. Pictures on the walls and my mantle. I keep a memory box of his drawings and random things. I haven’t broke that out yet.

[missing NC]

We will be rooting for you.  I hope you have the energy to let us know how it goes.