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Author Topic: Is this BPD I’m trying to make sense of it all  (Read 360 times)
Shaken54

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 39


« on: September 28, 2020, 10:04:43 AM »




Does this sound like BPD

Hello all I will try and keep this as short as possible
I met her in spring of 2017 the first year was simply unbelievable, I truly felt I found the one my soulmate so to speak. She was fun loving enjoyed everything that I enjoyed doing, I look back now and can see it was love bombing there was sex daily she would tell me she loved me through out the day while at work.

She told me she was divorced and her marriage was abusive I felt bad for her she was so sweet. We did not live together but shortly after getting together she got her apartment, she lived there for about 4 months when she tells me my ex rented a place 6 doors up from her and She needed to move. So her father brother and I hurried her moving out of her apartment as she said it had to be done before the upcoming weekend, so she moves into her parents basement.

Everything seems to be ok but now she starts telling me that her ex husband is charging things on her account. She tells me that he stole her money from the bank that he convinced the teller that it was ok since they used to bank there with a joint account. Then she tells me because he stole the money she is behind on her car payments and I loaned her 1350 she is still love bombing me at this point.
She never repaid the money.
She continues to love bomb me till around April 2018  that’s when things begin to change.

Now I get sick with a virus like the flu she catches it blames me then goes cold on me for 10 days blocked my phone I was not on socials yet. We get past that and things seem good for awhile as long as I was taking her on trips and dinners out it was great. Everything seemed to continue ok with an occasional problem until 2019 then things started to increase she would what seemed like pick a fight with me over things she wanted to do but I didn’t, for example her one daughter moved out of state I went one time with her but really didn’t like going there. She would tell me she was thinking of going and I would not really say anything but she could tell I wasn’t interested other times she would straight out ask if I was going and I would tell her no and I could see her whole demeanor change in seconds.
Early 2019 she also told me she had stomach cancer I was devastated I was there for her through it all this is also where I started noticing changes but I assumed it was because of chemo and she had a total gastrectomy
I’m left scratching my head though at the hospital no one mentioned the word cancer.

There were a few instances where she would get angry over something minor and give me the silent treatment. We had a cruise planned for December of 2019 but it was canceled due to the pandemic.
Now we move into 2020 everything is still going about the same in early 2020 as we approach spring She says since our cruise with your parents was canceled (the cruise was actually a gift for my parents at Christmas) with your parents how about we go to TN mountains and rent this cabin and take them so they get a trip I said sure ok so we go we all had a good time. While we were there she was still furloughed from work so I was trying to be nice and said how about I rent a condo in myrtle beach she was all for it, we go 2 weeks later and she was different you could tell something was up .

We get back and she tells me she doesn’t want to come around my parents anymore and honestly they never did anything to her, as a matter of fact early on in our relationship she would go out of her way to do things for them. So I waited to see if she would change her feelings about them but not at all.
So we continue to go out she seems good some days others not almost like not interested
For the last year or so always complaining about this ailment or another I have a migraine always complaining throughout the day about her job.
Well we go out on a Saturday have a great time nice dinner and some intimacy, Sunday she says hey I have to help my mom on Monday we had plans but I said ok no problem,she says you can come along if you want. I find out they are buying a storage locker sight unseen and have to haul it all away to keep what they might want, she asks me Sunday evening are you going I said no I think I’ll pass, I said you going to be mad if I don’t she says oh no I know your not into that stuff.
So Monday comes I get done things I needed to do I text and say hey want me to meet you there
She is beyond pissed off I get a barrage of nasty texts telling me I asked you didn’t want to I made other arrangements see if I ever ask you for help again then she says I got me.

At this point we are both on social media also
I text her that night slow to answer with irritation so I text her the next day at this point she is slow to answer abrupt and no emotion. She begins blowing up social media with memes directed at me
Hurtful things even my friends and relatives reach out to me about what she is putting on there I’m seeing them but not responding to anything.
This went on for over a week I sent her a text saying what’s going on basically do you want to work on our relationship or is it over, she wouldn’t give me a straight answer just tried to make everything my fault and honestly I didn’t do anything wrong.
So I give her another week she still is saying hurtful things, I didn’t want my name showing up on her page that we are in a relationship so I take that off in an effort to protect myself. She sees it and really goes off posting even more hateful things. I text her and again ask her what’s going on and ask again what’s the status of our relationship. She says I don’t know I have concerns.
My birthday is just days away so I’m like this sucks all this and the timing is horrible just before my birthday, she texts back everything isn’t about you.

So she blocks me on socials and my phone the only thing left that I can communicate to her with is snap
So she does not talk to me for days and I didn’t text either. There was a party coming up cookout thing I figured she might reach out but never did.
A few more days go by I message her on snap she apologizes sorry I hurt you blah blah.
Proceeds to tell me about her thinking of suicide and taking her guns to her daughter out of state
And how she deleted socials.

Ok what I found out was she had been lying to me from the beginning about everything
She told me she was a nurse I checked the state license verification nope she’s not
Told me her ex moved in 6 doors up he didn’t she was evicted saw it in the court records
Said he stole her money and was arrested he wasn’t no records in court so I was duped out of 1350

Also she has psychosis with what I believe is bpd
I have been sitting there and she’ll say that someone is walking in her parents yard and no one is there ,she hears demonic voice telling her to get out
She told me she feels someone lay down next to her in bed and stroke her hair.

And the most recent conversation above about the suicidal talk and guns and the deleted socials
I was verifying that with others as she was telling me
She said she took the guns to her daughter she didn’t
And the socials were still up after she told me she deleted them I could even pull one up

I also found it strange that she seemed to be blowing our relationship up at the same time her daughter out of state was blowing up her engagement.

So I had not talked to her for a few days I see she is putting pics up on snap changing her status for the day kinda thing two days it’s like I’m depressed not getting out of bed
Then I see one with her legs in leggings with “I need a buddy today”
I hate to say it but I snapped and told her that is messed  up
She told me in these conversations that all we did was go to dinner and have sex then I leave and then she feels like PLEASE READ
First thing I think is you have sex with your boyfriend of 3 years and feel like PLEASE READ when I go home but it’s ok to jump in bed with a random sex buddy
So I called her out on the lies and the looking for a buddy
She typed a response for 20 minutes but must have deleted it because all she did was change the photo to something that said “ screw it no friends no problem go hiking”


Heard from her after about 4 days no contact she apologizing about hurting me. Needs to heal and doesn’t like who she is.
Part of the problem near the end was she wants this house that was in her family and it seems she was beating around the bush trying to get me to say I would move in it and fix it up it needs tons of work, and she does not have the money to fix it. So she says she is moving in soon I said Im sure you are excited she starts with the yeah loneliness and a mortgage.
I just feel like she wants total control I have no say about anything.
I have not seen her in over a month.
I asked her how she can go from thinking I’m the greatest person in the world and seemingly overnight I am the worst, she told she just sees a sign and that’s it for you.

Thanks for reading this I’m trying to make sense of it all and never been hurt like this before.
Appreciate your time
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FindingMe2011
a.k.a. *BeenThereB4*
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1227



« Reply #1 on: September 28, 2020, 11:43:00 AM »

Also she has psychosis with what I believe is bpd
I have been sitting there and she’ll say that someone is walking in her parents yard and no one is there ,she hears demonic voice telling her to get out
She told me she feels someone lay down next to her in bed and stroke her hair.


Hello there Shaken. Relate well to the name, perfect description of me in the beginning...The hearing of voices seems a bit schizoid possibly, but labels really arent that important. The behavior is though. Understand the only person you can truly save is yourself. This site has alot of info and members who have gone through similar experiences. Youre on the detachment board, is this your goal? i wish you well, Peace
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Shaken54

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 39


« Reply #2 on: September 28, 2020, 02:56:12 PM »

Thanks for your response,
  I really do not believe I have any other choice but to detach, she didn't just cause a dust up but set off a nuclear device in our relationship. I have worked things through other times but this time she drug my family members into it, not to mention the amount of lying is overwhelming. She has lied to me about practically everything even after calling her out about it her response was to lie some more. and after that she has continued too lie, I am hurting because I fell in love with her completely our first year together was amazing.

In the past I always begged and pleaded with her over one of these episodes, however this time I didn't I am trying to maintain what self respect I have left. The thing I can't understand is how this happened so fast and how she seems to have never loved me even though she told me a million times. I wake up every day still missing her and I believe that is my desire to get back to the honeymoon phase which will never happen least from everything I have read.

I needed to get this off my chest and hear from others dealing with these issues, its not easy.
I am very limited contact with her I am hoping this becomes easier and clearer with time.
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dindin
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Dating
Posts: 128


« Reply #3 on: September 28, 2020, 03:19:23 PM »

I am sorry for your pain. Remember it does get better.

She has lied to me about practically everything even after calling her out about it her response was to lie some more. and after that she has continued too lie,
Oh, I know this one.

In the past I always begged and pleaded with her over one of these episodes, however this time I didn't I am trying to maintain what self respect I have left.
This shows that you are already on the right path. Cherish that part of yourself which saved you from this doomed relationship.

 I wake up every day still missing her and I believe that is my desire to get back to the honeymoon phase which will never happen least from everything I have read.
Missing them is normal and is part of the grieving process. Not everything was bad, just most of it. The good parts weren't enough, and they deserve respect to be grieved and made peace with. Also the honeymoon phase would never come back, or would come back in shorter durations, to be completely replaced with a discard. And it's my opinion that it was never a honeymoon phase to begin with. If there are traits of BPD, this most likely wasn't normal infatuation, but a ploy, a room full of mirrors, or what some people call love-bombing.

I needed to get this off my chest and hear from others dealing with these issues, its not easy.
It is not easy at first, but it is easier with time. I'm, what, 3 months after a discard or so, and today for the first time after the breakup, I had a good laugh at the whole situation. Working through the pain, having the courage to go no contact, understanding BPD, and understanding my part in this disfunction, has allowed me to start to detach, and even laugh at myself for staying in that relationship so long and ignoring the red flags. Whole day I was laughing my *** off. Whereas I was dying of pain up to this point. I laughed because I thought I had it all figured out, I thought I knew what love was, and that it required sacrafice - now that I think of that I cannot help but find it all funny.

You know the primitive humour of seeing someone distracted walking straight onto a banana peel - yeah, that thing Smiling (click to insert in post)

It hurts now. It's almost unbearable. But it does get better. And your instincts are leading you in the right direction.
We are here, so don't be shy do share anything.
« Last Edit: September 28, 2020, 03:30:13 PM by dindin » Logged
Lucky Jim
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 6211


« Reply #4 on: September 28, 2020, 03:37:33 PM »

Hey Shaken, Sorry to hear what you are going through.  One thing that makes it so hard to detach from a BPD r/s is that, as you note, the early stages can be so exhilarating.  At least you didn't get married to her, unlike many of us (including me!).  In that sense, you can consider yourself lucky that you dodged a bullet.  Agree, detachment is your task and goal.  We are here to help you with the process, so fire away with any questions.

LuckyJim
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    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
Shaken54

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 39


« Reply #5 on: September 28, 2020, 05:54:04 PM »

I really appreciate all your responses and insight, it is extremely helpful. The reason I needed so much to hear from others is my mind makes me remember the good not the bad so much, I find myself trying to figure out exactly what I did when in reality I didn’t do anything wrong that’s what makes this so difficult. It comes out of nowhere seemingly and when you ask your bpd partner all you get is a vague answer at best.
I did ask and all I got in return was
“Idk when I see a sign I know that’s it for you”

I’m sure I’ll have more questions as my healing process moves forward.
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