Help Need advice here.

[Anonym2806]

Hi guys,

After 2 amazing months, she started to be distant with me (again).
The last night we spent together, she was saying that she's crazy and that she cannot handle this.
Well, things are not good since I suspected she was doing drugs again and cheating.
We broke up and clearly shown her my boundaries.
After a few days, I talked to her and she was showing culpabilities and wanted to fix our rs.
We decided to be apart for a month and to meet later to say eacht other our expectations...
Last week, again avoiding me. I let her for 2 days and Friday I came back to ask her how was she.
She started to complain that she was sick and I didn't even check if she was ok. I told her that when she avoid me, that means I need to give her space. She was angry.
I sent her flowers and she was ok.
The day after, I asked her how was she. She read the message and didn't answer again. In the afternoon, I had a few drinks and I told her, nicely, that I know she has a personality disorder and I don't want to make our rs a drama all the time and I was ready to help. But again, showing my boundaries.
She replied by : You are disrespectful, insulting me...You are the one who has the PD, not me. Don't contact me or talk to me anymore.
I said I understand that she's upset but I didn't insult her and I wasn't disrespectful at all.
The day after, I sent to her a message again to say that I was sorry the way I said things but I keep my words and ready to help but I still stick to my boundaries.
She didn't reply.
Good news : She didn't blocked me as last year. She always checks my social media (normally I don't post anything but I do for her checking).
The thing is ,I don't what to do and how to react. I always tried to calm her down when she was yelling or upset. Now I need Idea to make her back.
I thing she sees someone else and in the same time trying to keep me. But I'm not sure and before making any decision, I want to be sure.
Any ideas guys?

Thanks for your help.

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[once removed]

its important, if you want to reconcile, to understand what went down here.

The last night we spent together, she was saying that she's crazy and that she cannot handle this.

what prompted, or led up to this?

We decided to be apart for a month and to meet later to say eacht other our expectations...

a month is a really long time, especially in an off again, on again relationship.

that I know she has a personality disorder and I don't want to make our rs a drama all the time and I was ready to help.

i would drop this completely. whether shes diagnosed, or undiagnosed, it just doesnt go over well, no one takes kindly to being told they have a personality disorder, or being made to feel that its the problem in the relationship.

I thing she sees someone else

what is giving you the impression that shes seeing someone else?

[Anonym2806]

what prompted, or led up to this?
I don't really know. We were ok, but at one moment she was down and started to be distant with me. This night, we had a few drinks and she started to talk like this. Like I'm the only guy who can give us a stability, that she's crazy. Well, I wasn't surprised because this is not the first time.

a month is a really long time, especially in an off again, on again relationship.

i would drop this completely. whether shes diagnosed, or undiagnosed, it just doesnt go over well, no one takes kindly to being told they have a personality disorder, or being made to feel that its the problem in the relationship.
I know this is bad but I wanted to let her know that I understood what happened.

what is giving you the impression that shes seeing someone else?
The last few call, sometimes she was talking to me like I was a friend. And then, we had an argument related to the way she communicates with me. And I asked her why she didn't answer to me this specific day. She said : I see whoever I want and whenever I want. We are not in an exclusive relationship (She pushed me to get this exclusivity and then she totally changed her mind). And in the same time, at the beginning, her phone was on the table always, and then, one time she received a message, she hide her phone and looked at me and she was uncomfortable.
Sometimes you feel things, you don't need proof always. And also, sending pictures of her while I'm with her (she always did this to me when she was somewhere).
She shown all the external pattern of BPD. She came back after blocking me 1 year. And saying because she was depressed.
Well, yesterday I lost my mind. I text her to go away and I met someone else and I want to live something stable with her. Even it's not true, I wanted to make her feel bad for the bad moment I had. I know this is not kind but it was difficult for me the last few weeks.

[Anonym2806]

Hi,

Today is worst. This morning I just told her I was still pissed off but the story with the other woman was a fake. That I did it only to hurt her feelings.
She answer to that :
She scare now because I intentionally hurt her feelings and she said the next level will be maybe beat her (I never touch anyone and I wouldn't). That I choose the agressive way to answer all of this. That no one is responsible for my upsets (Am I dreaming?). That I have to understand my world doesn't revolve only around me (My world revolve around her the last few weeks) and that no matter how good I think I am, people might not want to be in relationship with me (I asked her many times if she wants to continue of stop this relationship, that I don't want to force her to be with me, many times by message I told her. And face to face, I told her she wasn't ready for a relationship and she said many times she wants to be with me and try something). That I insulted her and been disrespectful.
And the fact I disregarded her request of no contact, now she's afraid for her and her son. 
It's like talking to another person. She disgusts me now. I tried many times to help her, she said many times she was crazy and she needs help. But it seems all of this, she doesn't remember. How is that possible? How they can forget discussion like that?

I answer to this nicely I think :

"Now I accept this as a discussion and a reason. This is the discussion I expected. Now all is clear for me.
I understand you are not ready for commitment and I wasn’t. I fell like you wanted this all the time as I said on the call after the last sunday.
I understand you lost interest for me as well. It happens and this is life. To be honest after the first week in Greece I didn’t want to see you again because you scared me as well on the street and then at the hotel when you started breaking the glasses and yelling on me again. But then I said ok let’s see, she has good sides as well.
I knew end of August something was wrong after I left your place. Maybe someone came back in your life, maybe someone never left your life. I don’t want to know. But I tried many time to have this discussion with you, I pull you to tell me that you’re not playing and finally you just want to move on. This is not a big deal, this is just human to understand and to know.
Well, the last few messages was a provocation to have this discussion.
Thank you for being honest and I’m not upset anymore because having the reason was what I expected.
I wish you the best in your life as well. Take care."

Question : Am I reasonable ? How is possible to forget discussion we had together? How it's possible to push someone for a commitment and then say that's not true?
I'm completely lost. If you have any ideas guys? Would be helpful.

Thank you.

[once removed]

She shown all the external pattern of BPD.

she is showing the pattern of a woman who sees that this relationship may be at a dead end, with irreconcilable differences, and shes beginning to let it go.

youre responding to that by triggering, which is understandable.

reconciling the relationship, however, is going to require a very, very different approach.

its going to require patience, calm, balance, benevolence. its going to require understanding what has broken the relationship down, demonstrating (consistently, and more through actions than words) that you get it, and developing a very different plan.

She disgusts me now.

are you up to the task, or is this too far gone?